Faith

my person never had much faith -- and what she did have was all in one person.
there was a lot of faith there. it was endless, and unwaivering, and bright.
it was misplaced.

her faith really should have been in herself. it used to be.

but then, there are other issues of faith. doesn't faith really represent a commonality? a sense of community based in ideals? my person has never been much for organized religion. maybe not even the traditional god. and just when she was sinking again, tempted to stop wading out of the water, she found it.

non-judging. open and welcoming. liberal. non-traditional. intellectual. freeing.

maybe people gather in faith not because they need to validate their beliefs, but because they need each other to recharge and keep rolling when people who test our faith run us dry.

i mean, i know i'm just a puppy. but i have faith in my person. i know that i will always have water. i know i will always have food. i know she will always put me above her personal inmpulses. i know she will protect me. i know these things even though i don't know wha tomorrow will bring for us.
i know these things because i have faith.
and when faith is born out of love it really is spiritual.

don't get all weird on me now. i'm not going to go out and start collecting donations for our lady of the virgin pound puppy.
i'm just saying that faith does exist outside of religion.
and sometimes the people we loved like they are our saviors are the ones who will come closest to breaking our faith.
if those people are the only ones you believe in, it make it very hard to get out of the water.

New Friends, Old Friends, True Friends

in a time when a "friend" crapped on my person, leaving her low and in need of some puppy intervention kisses, it's amazing how the true friends come through. like magic, there they are, holding out their paws, er hands (which look really naked and stupid without fur by the way).

there's the guy from 15 years ago who floats in and out of her life like some sarcastic and loving angel.
there's the guy from 7 years ago that always makes time- even with his new wife.
there's the new girl who understands where my person is coming from because she's taken the same trip.
there's the casual friends who don't hold silences and time against her.
there's the friends who text at random times and always come up with something interesting.
there's me. i'm her best friend. she loves me even when my feet smell like fritos... or maybe because of it.
there's the single mom who can always make her smile.
there's the woman she almost... but didn't... but adores.
there's the friend of a former friend who ended up being a great friend even after the end.
there's the stranger in santa barbara who supports her goals and always has time to root in her corner.
there's the festival girl who didn't mind her 2 left feet. for the record, even i have better coordination....
there's the one she pisses off on accident and likes anyways.
there's the guy who has been so nice to her, for so many years that she is starting to wonder about his sanity. and she adores him for his constancy and stability. and all the random :o) he sends her just when she is feeling low.

there's a reason to smile in every one of these people. and maybe in a few others in time...

to all of you who appreciate and stand by my person, i give you a great big wag. you can play with my toys and drink out of my bowl anytime.

Gay Boy Karaoke?

why the hell can't i go to gay boy karaoke?
i'm thinking i could get on up there and shake my furry ass while doing a stylish version of "milkshake."
yeah, baby!

so, my person's diet has my mouth watering...
well, ok, some of her diet.
shake
shake
shake
tuna w/ mustard, onion, and a sprinkle of parmesean
shake
shake

there are draw backs of course.
ketosis, ahem, is not exactly easy on the nose (of the dog sleeping next to you).
small price to pay, i know. but seriously--
use some freakin' mouthwash, biatch.

also, princess pee-a-lot, can you leave some water for me?
i love it when you get up 3 times a night to go to the bathroom, and i don't want to deprive us of that joy, but could you maybe try to share?

Going Strong

i must say, she's been doing well.

i was a little concerned when i saw her eyeing my kibble, but i figure we're close enough to overlook these things.

if she touches my iams biscuits, she's dead.

The Quest for Sexy

i know, i know... i'm already there. it's true that nobody fills out a collar quite like i do. but my person's feelers are down and she wants to feel good about herself again, so i have decided to track her progress for her-- collar optional.

we have plenty of examples of what is absolutely not sexy.

we have plenty of examples of what we don't want to be.

and we are off to a good start.

you know what i love best? cookies. my person really likes them, too. and they'll still be there in 8 months or so.
and, to the person who keeps sending my girl motivational boobie shots (and you know who you are...) niiiiice. :o)
if you don't mind a furry belly and six lil nubbins, i may reciprocate that favor.

in the meantime...
don't you wish your puppy was hot like me?


400/300/292/160

"You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there."

--edwin louis cole

it makes sense doesn't it?

the italians also have a saying that some people ought to think about:

"if you scatter thorns, don't go barefoot."

my person is no longer drowning. she is actually using her time to learn to surf.
i'm barking at the waves, because, well, that's what i do.

i would seriously suggest the-artist-formerly-known-as-#2 put on some shoes.

It's Hard to Remember

it's hard to remember that someone you use to adore has become another person.

its hard to force yourself to understand that you can't "fix" someone else--
even when you know them better than they know themselves.

three years ago, my person had a soulmate. her former mate sold her soul for approval and tight jeans.
my person has to remember that her ex chose this path. they were very happy together-- but the ex
chose to trade one kind of happiness for another.

that's a hard thing to accept.

but it's done.

i love my life. i love waking up and barking at the mailman. i love growling at ups trucks. i love licking my ass. i love eating kibble and cookies. i love running. i love sleeping.

i don't think i would want to give up everything i love for a fantasy.
i wish everyone felt that way.

I Know Someone...

that is a pathological liar
that is incapable of real love
that is addicted to control
that is a compulsive cheater
that is a professional martyr
that is selfish and vain
that is incapable of being alone
that is using sex as bait
that is a perfect physical manifestation of their soul
that is a master of self-delusion
that is self-destructive
that is only happy in chaos
that is needy
that is homophobic... and a homo
that is settling

i know someone that must be exhausted from living such a terrible existence.
i do not know how she looks in the mirror with so much satisfaction.
i know someone who makes me ashamed for her.

Stroke Me!

hey, i'm a puppy!
i love a good stroking, petting, a discreet fondle around the belly.

(for the record, my person does, too, and is now accepting applications.)

so, if you come to this blog and read all about my tail--
whether i'm chasing it, getting it, or ditching it--
let me know.

someone is stopping by, and i appreciate it!

Here's to the Future

because we finally believe we may have one.
because we know the best revenge is living well.
because we are too proud to stay down.

my person is actively losing weight. this is for physical, mental, and emotional benefits.
and, frankly, i think her ass will look great in size 12 jeans.

my person lost 100lbs over the last two years to be supportive of the ex.
now she will lose another 100 to be supportive of herself.

We Love Him

because he has been an awesome friend.
because he just got married and was still more than accessible to us.
because he said he and his wife needed "to love up on" #1.
because he understands.
because he has always been supportive.
because he would never throw us away.

how did my person ever think he would be anything but supportive?
she worried that it would be too intrusive to bother him with our mess...
but he was more bothered that we didn't come to him right away.

and we love him for that.

and we realize that if you love someone unconditionally for years and they treat you like crap and toss you aside like garbage-- but someone you speak to off and on, moving in and ou of life, is immediately your rock when the storm hits....
well, we wasted our love.

and someone else got a free ride through their own issues and insecurities.
to quote a wise man, she (#2) took and took until she reached the bottom of the barrel, so now (#1) needs to flip it over.
i hope the next person #1 trusts enough to give to is capable of being unselfish.
i hope #2 realizes what a lousy human being she has become.
i wish her the best; but maybe i only wish her that because i know that eventually the longing and gnawing in her heart will be too great to ignore. and she will have to fight those feelings down and continue on with the path she has chosen.

“No man can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be true.” -- Hawthorne

Upon Further Examination... AKA Does This Garage Have Discount Passes?

i do know what to tell her!

i told her that #2 was a lying, cheating, conniving, selfish, arrogant, cruel, needy excuse for a human being.
i told her to get mad-- hold a grudge for a damn change.
i reminded her that in less than two weeks someone else was parking their car in that particular garage-- and that it had practically been offered up as a pay lot.
who wants their home to be a pay lot?
not me.
and, if my person has any sense of self preservation, not her.

but...
my person has always been a little stupid when it comes to #2.
i, however, vow to piss on her leg the first chance i get.
life is funny sometimes, and i'm not always sure about why things happen...
but i do believe in karma.
and that woman has produced so much bad karma that people with terminal illnesses should be afraid to sit next to her. of course, in this case, she is the disease. who the hell else would, in the last discussion two people would ever have (and after starting her, uh, parking career mere days after a break up), actually ask the person she is destroying unmercifully, "do you think i look fat? am i gaining weight?"

it's all about her-- wouldn't want her to change now...
the answer is yes!
and as soon as she stops playing the scarf and barf game, she'll be back at 3, 400, easy.

my person, being soft, told her, "you look great. you look like everything i've ever wanted."
for the record, she only looked that way because my person loved her.
unconditional love buys things cosmetic surgery cannot.

unfortunately, you could gift wrap scruples and stick them under that woman's christmas tree and she still wouldn't get it.
so, let me do some easy math for all involved....
#2 + internalized homophobia = marriage to first attainable guy that looks at her = babies = fatty again = cheating = karma.
and after all that, daddy issues still aren't taken care of.
after all that, she still threw away the best thing she would ever have.
but, at least she got lots of validation.

and we all know validation is all it takes to get your car in and out of a garage.

How?

that's what she asked me.
how.
i don't know what to say.

They Grow Up So Fast...

well, i gotta say, the road ahead looks pretty bumpy--
and, i'm sure she'll be crying into my fur on more than one occassion--
but i'm proud of my person today.

she ditched me to hang out wih some new people, and i couldn't be happier for her. some people think she is aloof and distant, but in reality she is shy as hell. trust me, once you get to know her it's the opposite. maybe that's why so many people misread it at first; some never change their opinion. i remember she used to always feel socially awkward around #2's people because she didn't want to embarrass her mate.

me, i don't worry about these things.
if i wanna lick my ass, i'm a-lickin' and i'm a-likin'-- and i don't care who's around.
my person... not so much.

but tonight, she put herself first for 2 hours, and i couldn't be prouder.

maybe tomorrow i will convince her to hit the gym and come home and write,
or one or the other.

baby paw steps...

Ahem

For Me...

i loved being a family.
i loved it when they danced in the kitchen.

you know what i think now?
i think i'll chase my tail, fetch a ball, get my person up at 8am for a leisurely pee alfresco, and generally be a d.o.g.

when "they" see my sexy sway-dunky, my shiny coat, and my snappy collar, they are going to know that they fucked up. i am awesome. I am loyal. i am loving. i am funny. i am passionate. i am dedicated. i am one hell of a french kisser.
i am puppy!

my person isn't half bad, either.

for me, she is enough.
for her, i am enough.
everything else was just a bonus.

RE: Break Up Already

what the fuck did i know?

i'm a damn dog.

i do know this:
if someone could turn their back on me as quickly as they could pet me, then they shouldn't be petting me.

once upon a time, my person came home crying, with me in her arms, saying, "i couldn't do it, homo; i couldn't do it."

when will that time come for someone else?

Hobosticks

we have our hobosticks.
we have each other.
we have broken hearts and clouded minds that keep playing tricks on us.


one of us has to stop eating kibble before goodnight kisses....
one of us can't eat at all.

we don't understand how we are so easily thrown away, since we gave unconditional love for so long.
who doesn't need unconditional love?
we do.

Your Brain is 47% Female, 53% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

must have happened when i got fixed.

Whose Nose Gets Rubbed in it Now?

i don't want to over simplify things, but my person would never give me away just because i shit on the carpet. i would never want to hurt her or upset her, so i don't shit on the carpet.

shouldn't everyone behave like this?

it has occurred to me that #1 was being treated to a good-long nose rubbing by #2. why? because #2 felt guilty.
now, realistically, that would have been like me crapping on the rug and rubbing my person's nose in it. funny,yes; painful-- yes. effective, no. loving? not in my bowl.

now, why would #1 let her nose get rubbed in the carpet? probably for the same reasons i do. because when you love someone, you trust that they are doing what is right. even if it doesn't seem like it and you can't make sense of it, you trust that they are doing it for a reason.

at some point, though, when the rug is dry and the nose is still getting a good friction burn, it's maybe time to look in the other room and see if the person doing all the protesting isn't in fact the one who is taking a dump on everything.

Your Hillbilly Name Is...

Kissy Cissy Beaver

Hillbilly Name Generator

yeah. i, uh, think my person has that name taken already.

It's Still Beating

but i wasn't sure that it was for a while.

i watched her cry in her sleep, and licked her face, and snuggled close, but nothing i did seemed to help.
she is broken, and i can't fix it. my heart hurts for her. she says she lost her world.... but she is MY world, and she better not forget it.

i'll take her for a walk tomorrow. maybe i'll even let her hold the leash. that'll make her feel good.

and to anybody that is mean to my person, guess which paw-finger i'm holding up?

You Know What Really Gnaws at My Ass?

ME.
damn, i need some frontline.

Wanted Posters

i have a friend who disappeared two years ago. she was funny, and smart, and vibrant, and had this raspy laugh, and i loved her. she made the sun rise. she was air to me. she was my heart, my soul, my world.

and i let her be all these things because i knew i could trust her.

then she disappeared. i put up wanted posters; i called friends and family; i looked high and low. i cried at night for her, hoping she was ok, hoping she would remember the family we had. it was hard not knowing,

then, i thought i'd found her again-- i was overjoyed! i welcomed her home, doted on her, made sure all of her needs were met, and devoted every day to letting her know i loved her. the problem is, it wasn't her. someone had switched my baby with a stray.

i hope wherever the real girl is, she is well and happy. because i miss her. sometimes i feel like i can't breathe...
but i also know that i can't keep trying to gve all of her love to this stray who replaced her, because it is love thrown away.

Toys and Sympathy

Don't Drink and Dial

so, my people finally broke up. it was ugly as you could ever imagine...
and i'm so sad.
my #1 person and i are sleeping on a floor and trying not to cry, trying not to think, trying not to feel.
but it's hard to not feel when someone has flayed off your skin.
i'm her bestest friend, but she lost her best friend, and i'm worried about her.
i'm worried for both of us.
i know i keep her anchored and here; that's my job. she keps me safe, so i try to do the same.
but i don't know how to put her heart back together.
i don't know how to make her feel like she has a home in this world.
i guess i'll just be here for her and not say anything when she drools on our pillow.

my other mommy's mom tried to kill me because she thiks that the only one that loves me is #1. and everyone is taking sides against #1... which is weird, because even mommy#2 says that #1 doesn't lie. so why did she do this to us? why did she throw us away?

i can't get #1 to eat. i can barely get her to drink a little water. and i've hidden all the booze in the house, because i don't want her to drink and dial. i want her to be ok. i want all of us to be ok... even #2...
i do not, however, want her to pour out her heart filled with tequila faith and get emotionally demolished.
she deserves better than that.
and i hate stinky hangover breath in the morning.

but i love her and she loves me. and we'll be ok even if it's just the two of us.

maybe i'll let her play with my kong. it aways makes me feel better.

I am Luxurious

don't you wish your puppy was hot like me?

MMM

you know what? i like beer. i dig it. i freakin love dipping my muzzle into a bowl of amber goodness.
now, it doesn't take a lot to get me shit-faced, and my person doesn't want me to die of alcohol poisoning, so i usually have to just sip from her bottle. but, dammit, i want my own keg with a paw-level tap. last night the ducks evened their playoff series against the flames. (Speaking of which... Don Koharski, guess which finger i'm holding up?) my person was so excited she jumped up and ran outside yelling.
i, being an opportunist due to my chihuahua heritage, drained the brew on the floor. then, i licked the carpet-- you shouldn't waste!
yeah, i got in trouble, but it was worth it-- until i woke up with a headache, a tangled leash, and the rotty named inga from across the street. yeah, easy inga was right here next to me. harness in one paw, overnight bag in the other.
what will the dogs at the park say?

Break Up Already!

ok, my people are so fucked up! they argue. well, one of them argues, the other one just says, "i know, i don't treat you well, but don't leave me." damn. break up, already!
i know it sucks to start over-- i didn't know them when i came home from the pound, but i assimilated into my new life.
i think it would be easier if they could lick their own asses. let me tell ya, life is gooood when you can lick your own. honestly, though, if they could lick their own, they'd probably never fight! of course, one of them ould never leave the house, but that's cool. we bond here anyway.

by the way...

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

yeah. that's right, i'm a dog. i passed. my person took the test and was asked to return her degree.
crap, i hope they don't mean her deodorant, cause that bitch stinks after the gym as it is.
anyway, how did you do?

He Said He Would Make Me Famous

yesterday a man approached me at the dog park. he said his name was max and that he was an editor for "bitch baby" magazine. he said i had potential. he said... oh, god, this is so hard... he said i had a face made for fame. i agreed to model for the centerfold shoot.
i can't even tell you the things i ended up doing!
he took photos of me laying down with only my collar on, with my paws in the air-- he shot me with water dripping from my muzzle. how could i be so naive!? i... i almost took off my collar for him. the little sunflowers were about to fall off my neck when i remembered the things my person told me about dogs that take off their collars... about how those dogs were often lost forever. so i buckled it back on and left the shoot.
that bastard has the photos to prove my gullibility. i still have my sense of self.
but, i do have to wonder.... does this color fur really make me look that fat?
when i got home, i took a long bath to try to forget it all.