Blah Blah

a "fledgling" is defined as a young bird whose feathers and muscles are newly developed, sometimes only enough to support short hops or flight. fledglings are no longer in the nest, but the birds' parents continue to feed them until they can fly.

that's an awful long definition for such tiny little birds. i, being a wise puppy, put forth my own:

fledgling: (n) good eatin'

Goodbye, Large Human

in an effort to create chaos and give the appearance that he's being proactive, kevin lowe (gm for the edmonton oilers) has been making ridiculously inflated offers for players in the offseason. the offers are ridiculous, because they are at least 30% over market value; the chaos comes from the impact such signings will have on the rest of the league next year, when players start saying, "i scored 43 goals! that guy only scored 24 and he is making 4 million a year!"

lowe will be lucky to keep his job longer than one more season, and it appears that his current moves are being made in the "if i can't have it, no one can" tradition of the jilted everywhere. if he does manage to float along into the 2008-2009 season, he will probably find himself drowning in his own smelly creation. the nhl has a salary cap for a reason; inflating salaries is ridiculous and self-destructive. put your mouth on the dotted line and blow away, little man; blow until your lungs explode.

the sabres took the bait and re-signed vanek; they had to. other general managers need to sit back and throw the hand brake. we love dustin penner. we've written about him, talked about him, and (once, after too much beer) drooled on him. he deserves more money. he is an outstanding physical presence with skill and smarts. if penner was to receive a reasonable offer, it would be around $5 million for three years-- maybe $6 million. kevin lowe offered penner $21.25 million for five years.

we love penner; the ducks love penner; the fans love penner.... and that is why we have to let him go.

if the ducks resign him at this over-inflated price (last year was his first full season in the nhl), it is entirely possible that the negative effects will be felt in the nhl for years-- further crippling a league that isn't exactly thriving. penner will understand; his love of the game is what got him past the thousands of stop signs that tried to convince him that he wasn't good enough to play pro hockey. the ducks should say "no. no, thank you" to matching the offer sheet, thank penner for everything he has contributed to the ducks, and wish him luck.

penner can then laugh his way to the bank and recognize that he will be making $4 million dollars a year to play a game he loves, because some desperate suit thought he could continue to force other teams to make bad decisions rather than make sound ones of his own. by not matching such a ridiculous offer, the ducks might throw up a dam against the flood of crap lowe has tried to bury the nhl in.

thank you, large human. we'll still cheer for you when you come to town.

I Got Nothing

the pea's birfday is next week, and mp keeps asking for my opinion on what to get her. no matter what i suggest, it isn't good enough. "no, miz lilly, puppy cannoli isn't a good way to say 'happy birfday; thanks for letting me touch your special spots.' " clearly, mp doesn't know what she's talking about. for two of those, i'd let a tabby cat touch me. mp says it should be a little more mature.... she's already taking the pea to a show that night, but missa missa chickapea does little stuff for her all the time-- even though mp tells her not to. last saturday, there was a wrapped copy of harry potter waiting by the bed. hey! wait a second; it's not chocolate and pantyhose, but...

i'm gonna go have a talk with mp and try to find out what she really does for a living. in the meantime, if you have any suggestions about what she should get the pea, drop me a line. if it's good, i'll totally present the idea to my person like i came up with it all by myself, but it'll get me off of cookie restriction (something about being a smartass puppy when i told her to get the pea a nicer collar).

Kinga Da Castle, Kinga Da Castle

it looks like it's gonna be official. my person is going to have to buy a place ahead of schedule. i don't mind so much. sure, it'll cut down on my wiskers take-out, but i get my own room! at least, i do if my person knows what's good for her. the good news is that my person is fussy as hell and will only take the house that fits us. the bad news is that she can fix anything, so she'll probably try to convince me to let her buy something that requires a home depot card. then again, the chickapea is extremely handy and likes do-it-yourself projects; maybe this will get them to stop making out on the couch all the time.

Veritas Aequitas

even when things are golden, it's important to polish and maintain them.

Fucking Chipmunks

it was okay that theodore was a chubby chipmunk. he was also the naive-bordering-on-stupid one. coincidence?








my puppy self can over-look that transgression, but how anyone excuse the chipettes?













eleanore had to be fat, because theodore needed a hot-chipmunk-love-partner, and he could never get a britney.

luckily, tmz is always good for a reminder that britneys don't always stay hot. sometimes, they can't even get a theodore.

Bad Homo

sometimes my person gets terribly out of line. the chickapea can handle most of it; i think she's got mp pretty well trained.... however, there are times when mp needs a little discipline. i suggested that the pea make her write standards.

"take off your clothes" is not foreplay.
"take off your clothes" is not foreplay.
"take off your clothes" is not foreplay.
"take off your clothes" is not foreplay.
"take off your clothes" is not foreplay.
"take off your clothes" is not foreplay.
"take off your clothes" is not foreplay.
"take off your clothes" is not foreplay.
"take off your clothes" is not foreplay.
"take off your clothes" is not foreplay.
"take off your clothes" is not foreplay.
"take off your clothes" is not foreplay.
"take off your clothes" is not foreplay.
"take off your clothes" is not foreplay.
"take off your clothes" is not foreplay.
"take off your clothes" is not foreplay.
"take off your clothes" is not foreplay.
"take off your clothes" is not foreplay.
"take off your clothes" is not foreplay.
"take off your clothes" is not foreplay.

Healthy...

startlingly, amazingly healthy.

Chicks Dig Me

"Listen... Do You Want to Know a Secret?

do you promise not to tell?
closer. let me whisper in your ear..."

my person loves bitchy women.
she loves them like fish love water--
like greg loved marsha when the lights were out.

when a high-maintenance, type-a, obnoxiously-driven woman snaps her fingers, my person rolls over like a log in the water at the hillbilly olympics.

this morning, we walked over to petsmart after we grabbed a little breakfast. as we were moseying around, sharing a yogurt, a hot girl walked up to us and said, "oh, my god. i can't believe you're using the same spoon! that is so gross." then she bent down, cupped my face and said, "oh, puppy, you don't know where her mouth has been? do you? do you? no, you don't!" then she looked at mp: "but i have a pretty good idea."

next thing i know, i'm holding the leash, and my person is doing tricks for treats.
she is so embarrassing sometimes.

"Throw, Damn You!"

mp finally found her pimptress! we had looked everywhere: under pillows, in trees, at the gym, in all sorts of women's bedrooms... "nope; no pimptress here." my person is a giver, and she'll take one for the team when necessary. it turns out that pimptress has been on the run from the law and holed-up in el paso. she grew a handlebar mustache and now answers to the name "chaco."

that didn't stop the 17 year old celebrating his birthday at the bowling alley from hitting on her last night. he fetched a ball for her, set up our names, and then proceeded to give up his best, sweetie-pie self. later, he used the "you guys come here a lot" line on mp. it was adorable. he was one step away from becoming jacques, ready to grab pimptress-marge and ask her to brunch. "You'd love it, It's not quite breakfast, it's not quite lunch, but it comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end. You don't get completely what you would at breakfast, but you get a good meal!"


to make pimptress feel better, mp let her win. anything you hear about my person having "her ass handed to her" is exaggerated and an attempt by right-wing conservatives to undermine her authority. that's her story, and she's sticking to it.

Thursdays with Chickapea

at least she appreciates my person's inner child.
if she appreciated it any more, i'd be forced to call cps.

It's Contagious!

iCandy

click it. oh, please, click it.

Independent

tonight, we sat on the beach, a girl in mp's lap, and watched the sky light up. long beach out-did itself; happy faces in the sky and happy faces in the sand. it was one of the best 4th of july celebrations, ever. once again, i had to listen to mp chattering on about how disgustingly happy she is. makes me wanna go chew a hole in her socks, but i love her, so i just wag my tail and smile.