although there are a million things we want,
there is nothing we need.
how can my person possibly not feel like the house will blow down?
she gets to do the most amazing job in the world, where she actually gets to make a difference-- and they pay her for it (always a plus). she is ready to settle down and buy a house. she is less than half the girl she used to be-- but twice the woman (or so i hear; i hope the new house has sound proofing). it's all pretty amazing considering that three years ago she thought she would never be happy. yeah, i said three years, not one.... you were right, g, now shush!
in addition to all this, she has a chickapea that loves the hell out of her but respects the fact that mp doesn't want a committment. the pea is open, and thoughtful, and likes buying little lacy things that she thinks mp might want to see her take off. she pets mp all the time, worries that my person's needs are being met, and happens to have a 'little red riding hood' costume from last halloween (i'm just sayin'). mp didn't know those girls really exist.
my person turns 32 on tuesday. she gets to take her favorite girl to see her favorite live band at her favorite venue. it couldn't have worked out better. everything feels centered and... right. for the first time-- ever-- the foundation is solid.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
It's Here! It's Here! It's Here!
the 2007-2008 season has begun!
okay, the ducks dropped the first game to the kings, 4-1.
okay, niedermayer and selanne are both still pondering retirement.
okay, my person gave up her season tickets because of work conflicts.
it's still the best day ever!
thanks to "roochfan20" for putting this together. if you look carefully, you can spot my person and her flavor of the moment in the stands.
okay, the ducks dropped the first game to the kings, 4-1.
okay, niedermayer and selanne are both still pondering retirement.
okay, my person gave up her season tickets because of work conflicts.
it's still the best day ever!
thanks to "roochfan20" for putting this together. if you look carefully, you can spot my person and her flavor of the moment in the stands.
Down, Down, Downie
steve downie is "disappointed" with his 20 game suspension, because it will delay his nhl debut.
i'm disappointed, too.
that ass left his feet and aimed for the head of a player who was ineligible to be hit because he didn't have the puck.
yes, i'm disappointed, too, because steve downie should never play in the nhl. period.
i'm disappointed, too.
that ass left his feet and aimed for the head of a player who was ineligible to be hit because he didn't have the puck.
yes, i'm disappointed, too, because steve downie should never play in the nhl. period.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Weird Things About MP #1
all of the women my person has dated have had a weird fascination with rubbing her ass.
maybe they're waiting for the genie to pop out.
maybe they're waiting for the genie to pop out.
Poor Chickapea
mp always has the same suggestion for the pea...
CHICKAPEA: argh! i got lost again, then i got a speeding ticket in manhattan.
MP: you should have shown him your boobs.
CHICKAPEA: i broke a heel onstage in front of the entire class.
MP: they wouldn't have even noticed if you'd shown them your boobs.
CHCIKAPEA: my class says i should write a book called "the misadventures of being me."
MP: it can be a pop-up book; just show 'em your....
CHICKAPEA: argh! i got lost again, then i got a speeding ticket in manhattan.
MP: you should have shown him your boobs.
CHICKAPEA: i broke a heel onstage in front of the entire class.
MP: they wouldn't have even noticed if you'd shown them your boobs.
CHCIKAPEA: my class says i should write a book called "the misadventures of being me."
MP: it can be a pop-up book; just show 'em your....
Who's Hotter?
yeah, poor mp.
she doesn't stand a chance against me.
i have a new harness, a new leash, and a thumpy tail.
the pea, fire girl, and shatner say they prefer my person.
chp, however, shows that she is a dignified woman of refined taste
by acknowledging that i am a very attractive puppy, and i tone down
my innate sexiness so i don't embarrass mp.
Lawn Decorations in the 909
mp wants me to acknowledge that my comments are completely insensitive and offensive.
a-huh.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
The 80's Were a Very Confusing Time
i'm not sure what gets me hotter-- the pageboy or the bondage gear.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
As Straight As It Gets
it takes 20 minutes to straighten it out... and 30 seconds with the pea to get it kinky again. who knew?
don't worry; it's not a hair travesty. the ends fell in this pic because she put her hoodie back on.
Jo: "I'm Licked"
yeah you, are....
this might have something to do with mp begging to go to boarding school.
this might have something to do with mp begging to go to boarding school.
Marcia, Marcia, Marcia
the rumors flying around are that the maureen mccormick book will disclose naughty girl moments she shared with eve plumb. oh, please, god.... let it be true. "marcia, marcia, marcia" will have a whole new meaning for me. of course, i won't be able to scold mp anymore when she goes, "bow-chicka-bow-bow" every time we watch marcia and jan fight.
now, if only we could figure out what was really going on with blair and jo on those cold peaksville nights.... speaking of which, here's a clip of a tv moment that helped mp first realize she lik-a-da ladies. between eve plumb as the hot nun, the blair/jo catfight (notice the way they lean into each other and all the heavy breathing), and the "hunch" speech (yeah-- take the word "nun" out of that convo and see what you get), this way every little polnachek's fantasy.
oh, jo. you needed a spanking with the ruler real bad.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Toy... Boy
since it's been almost seven years since hyundai produced the "gayest commercial of all time," i figured it was high time for another go at the salute to disposable rides.... take that as you will.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Fire Girl. That's Hot.
so, i got another trip to le craterie hotel for the evening when fire girl decided to pay a visit. i like her better than the pea because she lets me stick my tongue in her mouth when i say hello... but the pea buys me gourmet treats and toys. one time, when mp and i went to the pea's house for a little something i call "dinner, a walk, and 'lilly get your nose away from there,'" i ate a cookie with as much mess as possible on the pea's couch and she didn't let mp get mad at me for my lack of manners.
i digress.
fire girl is hot. smoking hot. long legs, defined abs, parents-mortgaged-the-house-for-braces hot....
but i don't think mp is going to be able to play with her anymore, because she can also polish off an entire gallon of ice cream by herself. that's fine for fire girl; mp figures the poor thing must burn 4,000 calories a day. it's just that, well, my person knows her limitations, and being around someone who eats constantly is like saying "make me 400lbs again." it just doesn't work. not for her.
alas, fire girl is also looking for a regular thing, so if you are in the los angeles area and looking for a woman who can cook (best enchiladas ever), axe through a roof, and touch her heels to the back of her head, let me know. my god, she will be missed.
i digress.
fire girl is hot. smoking hot. long legs, defined abs, parents-mortgaged-the-house-for-braces hot....
but i don't think mp is going to be able to play with her anymore, because she can also polish off an entire gallon of ice cream by herself. that's fine for fire girl; mp figures the poor thing must burn 4,000 calories a day. it's just that, well, my person knows her limitations, and being around someone who eats constantly is like saying "make me 400lbs again." it just doesn't work. not for her.
alas, fire girl is also looking for a regular thing, so if you are in the los angeles area and looking for a woman who can cook (best enchiladas ever), axe through a roof, and touch her heels to the back of her head, let me know. my god, she will be missed.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Scat-tered
OKLAHOMA: why can't my puppy be as good as you? i love him, but the little idiot keeps messing in the house, and i don't know why! we've tried all the training book stuff.
CLEOPUPTRA: really. you can't figure out why? could it be, oh, i dunno... revenge?
OKLAHOMA: revenge? we love him! he gets all the best toys, he gets expensive food, he gets...
CLEOPUPTRA: humiliated at the dog park...
OKLAHOMA: he gets no such thing.
CLEOPUPTRA: ahuh. how did you guys ever come up with his name?
OKLAHOMA: oh, it was so adorable! when he first came home with us, he would race around the house and try to get into anything he could. if someone was busy, or trying to read, he would shove aside anything we were holding to get our attention, so we'd tell him, "shoo, puppy! scat!" so cute!
CLEOPUPTRA: yeah. and you can't figure out why the puppy you named "scat" won't stop going in the house?
CLEOPUPTRA: really. you can't figure out why? could it be, oh, i dunno... revenge?
OKLAHOMA: revenge? we love him! he gets all the best toys, he gets expensive food, he gets...
CLEOPUPTRA: humiliated at the dog park...
OKLAHOMA: he gets no such thing.
CLEOPUPTRA: ahuh. how did you guys ever come up with his name?
OKLAHOMA: oh, it was so adorable! when he first came home with us, he would race around the house and try to get into anything he could. if someone was busy, or trying to read, he would shove aside anything we were holding to get our attention, so we'd tell him, "shoo, puppy! scat!" so cute!
CLEOPUPTRA: yeah. and you can't figure out why the puppy you named "scat" won't stop going in the house?
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Happiness
egotastic had a blurb about heather graham's lack of popularity, and frankly, even i had forgotten about her tendency to makeout with girls. of course, it's because it took years to get rid of the thought of her thighs in the spy who shagged me posters. it was an act of self-preservation; i wasn't leaving the house anymore.
oh, puppybation... it's not a past time; it's a lifestyle.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Peas Forgive Me
a frozen pea, blown through a large straw, can attain a high rate of speed.
they sting, can leave welts, create a mess, and cost $1.89 for 2,000 rounds.
i apologize to kroger stores, the man wearing shorts without underwear,
and the mother of the 3 year old with the new hobby.
in my own defense, the produce guy started it.
they sting, can leave welts, create a mess, and cost $1.89 for 2,000 rounds.
i apologize to kroger stores, the man wearing shorts without underwear,
and the mother of the 3 year old with the new hobby.
in my own defense, the produce guy started it.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Technology Public Service Announcement #1
i'm a puppy, and i lick my butt, chase my tail, and eat crickets. to some, this might disqualify me as a resource for pre-purchase technological support. to those this applies to: guess which finger i'm holding up. for those who understand that furry friends can be bastions of good info, i offer my technology purchase public service announcement, aka: "for those about to be royally fucked without a kiss."
today's topic: HDMI cables.
everyone is riding the HDTV wave, and stores are cashing in-- big time. i'll give you my take on t.v.s later; for right now, i want to address the hidden rapist lurking in many electronics stores: cables. there's not a huge mark-up on an lcd or plasma hdtv. however, they take up a lot of floor and warehouse space. to make money, stores sell accessories. they're small, and people need them to hook up the cable box, gaming system, and stereo to the brand-new toy they've just agonized over purchasing.
the agony over making the major purchase is where the store slips consumers a roofie for the unexpected fucking. an lcd tv isn't particularly cheap; once consumers have decided to purchase, the salesman will start his shill about needing the best cables to make sure that the tv gets the great picture they've just paid for. at this point, the buyer is bent over and handing a bottle of lube back so the salesman can quarterback their ass all the way to the checkout by pushing hdmi cables that cost around $100.
i hope they get a kiss with those, because they won't get a clearer picture.
the whole point of digital is that it doesn't require the same level of maintenance as analog. with the old analog signal, picture quality could be noticably poorer with cheap cable. it would take incredibly bad hdmi cables to noticably degrade the picture on a modern hdtv. unless it's over 15 feet or so, pretty much any $15 HDMI cable will give you the same quality picture as a $140 cable (like those sold under a certain "scary" brand). if you feel like letting a salesman get his jollies in your back pocket, go ahead and pad the bottom line. otherwise, hit up the local discount retailer, drop $15-30 on cables that don't come in a fancy package, and tell 'em a firm handshake will do.
today's topic: HDMI cables.
everyone is riding the HDTV wave, and stores are cashing in-- big time. i'll give you my take on t.v.s later; for right now, i want to address the hidden rapist lurking in many electronics stores: cables. there's not a huge mark-up on an lcd or plasma hdtv. however, they take up a lot of floor and warehouse space. to make money, stores sell accessories. they're small, and people need them to hook up the cable box, gaming system, and stereo to the brand-new toy they've just agonized over purchasing.
the agony over making the major purchase is where the store slips consumers a roofie for the unexpected fucking. an lcd tv isn't particularly cheap; once consumers have decided to purchase, the salesman will start his shill about needing the best cables to make sure that the tv gets the great picture they've just paid for. at this point, the buyer is bent over and handing a bottle of lube back so the salesman can quarterback their ass all the way to the checkout by pushing hdmi cables that cost around $100.
i hope they get a kiss with those, because they won't get a clearer picture.
the whole point of digital is that it doesn't require the same level of maintenance as analog. with the old analog signal, picture quality could be noticably poorer with cheap cable. it would take incredibly bad hdmi cables to noticably degrade the picture on a modern hdtv. unless it's over 15 feet or so, pretty much any $15 HDMI cable will give you the same quality picture as a $140 cable (like those sold under a certain "scary" brand). if you feel like letting a salesman get his jollies in your back pocket, go ahead and pad the bottom line. otherwise, hit up the local discount retailer, drop $15-30 on cables that don't come in a fancy package, and tell 'em a firm handshake will do.
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