The Monkey Dance

my monkey eats burritos
and sneezes cottage cheese.
i hate to take it with me-
it has so many fleas!
i'll give it penicillin
and stuff it in my pants.
then all the girls i meet
can do the monkey dance.

It's Coming!

Fire Girl

yeah.

she thinks it's cute when mp calls her "hot girl," like it's her name.
mp thinks it's cute when she wears her turnouts... and nothing else.

Sammy the Bull

just as mp was thinking that her hetero-crush was having an amazing game, he broke in and scored on the sens like it was prom night. the swedish meatball then stood up senators at the blue line like he was manning a revolving door. samuel pahlsson has deserved the selke for years; this season, it's his.

Love Me Some Emmett

i sent mp off with a wag and a smile after watching the ktla morning news.

EMMETT MILLER: bonds, barry bonds, stockpiling quite a collection of memorabilia now, approaching hank aaron's all-time home-run record. whether any of these items wind up in cooperstown, though, is another story. when asked if he's gonna donate any of the souveniers to the hall of fame, bonds had this terse reply: he said, i'm quoting, 'i'm not worried about the hall. i take care of me,' unquote.

maybe he'll donate em to the balco labs, who knows?

oh, yes, he did.

The Dreamer and the Monkey Pants

Que Onda!

CLEOPUPTRA: grwww. yipe, blip, roawr

TRIXIE: grwww. ooph! snarp, reep, roawr.

oh. perhaps i should translate this conversation between me and the retriever next door.

CLEOPUPTRA: hey, baby. i like your collar. are you as hot as those chili peppers?

TRIXIE: sup, miz lilly! how YOU doin? i hear your person has been taking you on the trails with her.

CLEOPUPTRA: yeah, but i think it's because she uses me to hit on women. well, and that one rugby dude.

TRIXIE: you ARE fine, girl! can't blame her.

CLEOPUPTRA: well, thank you. so, what's new with you?

TRIXIE: just waiting for my people to finish loading the car so we can head to the beach. you know how it is. i'll play with the kiddies for a while and then eat all their lunches when nobody's looking.

CLEOPUPTRA: good times, good times...

TRIXIE: you know it! so, hey, what have you been doing this beautiful holiday weekend?

CLEOPUPTRA: just chilling. went on a few walks. chased a few birds. i almost got me some crow the other day, but m.p. made me drop it.

TRIXIE: that sucks. did it taste good?

CLEOPUPTRA: a bit gamey, really. we're all ready to watch game one of the stanley cup finals tonight. i'm stoked!

TRIXIE: uh. what's the stanley cup?

CLEOPUPTRA: philistine!

TRIXIE: oh. right. hockey. i forgot that your person is faux canadian, eh.

CLEOPUPTRA: yeah, yeah. chicks find it endearing.

TRIXIE: you guys have baby chickens?

CLEOPUPTRA: oh, never mind. anyway... did you hear about that lab down the street? she totally let the doberman on starbuck knock her up! for real!

TRIXIE: yeah, i'm not surprised. she looks a little trampy. what can you say about a bitch that carries her vaccination certificate wherever she goes?

CLEOPUPTRA: amen.

Oh, Latawnya

a very special thank you to tits mcgee for this gem.
go ahead-- click it. it's so funny that mp is trying desperately to find a hard copy, but you can read it online for free.

The Ducks Are the Western Conference Champions

they aren't owned by disney anymore, but they're still fucking mighty.

sammy pahlsson won about two-thirds of his face-offs in the series, and he scored the series-winning goal.

teemu began racking up points again.

bring on the sens.

tienes que parar ahora mismo.

Tenemos Que Hacer una Revolucion

for the last four or five years, latino film makers have been producing the most styilish, provocative, and watchable movies-- period. when i want to curl up in my crate and catch a flick with mp, it's almost always the work of pedro almodovar, alfonso cuaron, guillermo del toro or alejandro gonzalez iñárritu. the reason i have fallen in love with these directors is because they realistically employ sex, violence, death, agony, love, passion and fear as inextricably related-- regardless of gender or class. it's fearless film making that focuses only on telling the most engaging story, not the most commercial one.

universal pictures has signed cuaron, del toro and iñárritu to a huge deal. this will either revolutionize cinema or destroy it.

The Hunt

as the ducks stole game 5 of the western conference finals, mp received a text message....

the chickapea, as she was getting ready to leave for another business trip, told mp to go to "their" starbucks, because something was waiting for her. mp (who had no intention of doing anything other than work) didn't know what to make of it. what if she'd had plans? what if she was with someone else? what if she just didn't wanna? she knew she couldn't blow it off though, considering the events of the night before, so she pulled on a pair of chucks and moseyed over the hill.

when she walked up to the counter and said, "uh, this is gonna sound weird...," all of the crew members smiled and nudged each other. they handed her a vase of beautiful flowers and a card that gave clues directing her to a secret location in the park to pick up a second package. the gesture was very sweet, and mp was surprised that the pea spent so much time on this when she needed to be getting ready for her flight.

on the other hand, the pea knows that particular starbucks is called "pimpy's" by those in the know, because it's where mp takes all of her potentials. it's also where mp picked up the cinnamon girl, and there's no doubt that c.g. will hear about the to-do. was the pea marking her territory? i'm voting that she was just trying to be sweet, but mp has her doubts... and mp is always one sudden movement away from a "ruuun, forrest, ruuun" moment.

then again, it's pretty adorable to picture the pea taking the time to make a mixed cd, package it with a cool billie holiday card, and tape it under a table in the park as the end of a scavenger hunt. and she did let mp watch the game without pouting about my person not wanting to hook up today. it's a tough call.

pimptress says mp is crazy, but she bought my person like that.

Addendum

the mocha latina would like the truth to be known:

MLATINA: you know the real reason you support firefighters.

MP: they make rubber clothes look good?

MLATINA: uh...

MP: suspenders are hot?

MLATINA: closer. think: scrambled eggs, flambe.

MP: i have no idea what you are talking about.

MLATINA: no. of course not! not you, you culinary genius.

MP: it happened once.

MLATINA: you only cooked here once.

MP: you like my cappuccinos...

MLATINA: again, not with a flame on top.

MP: well, you shouldn't have put your hands there at a critical moment.

MLATINA: uh. the critical moment was when i grabbed the fire extinguisher.
the real reason you support firefighters is because you fall into the most-
likely-to-need-them category.

MP: you looked really hot in your nightie, spraying fire retardant foam...

MLATINA: stop changing the subject... and we'll talk about that when you
finish your thing with (the chickapea).

MP: i'm not sure it's gonna finish any time soon.

MLATINA: oh, yeah? why don't you cook for her?

Fill the Boot

just a friendly reminder for locals to carry cash this weekend and donate to firefighters collecting for the MDA.
it's a good cause-- not just the charity aspect, but also the show of support for one of the few uniforms mp can get behind.
or, in the case of firegirl in the carson area, under...
but, these things take time.

ahem.

anyway! fill the boot. if not to contribute to the fight against muscular dystrophe, to support the men and women who wear the boots when the situations are chaotic and unknown.

Walk This Way

MP: ...yeah. so, i was thinking-- oh, my god! there's a duck leading her little babies across the street, just like in the book!
WONDER GIRL: well, take a picture!
MP: i'm on the phone with you.
WONDER GIRL: *click*













these little guys were following their mommy across a major street, and everyone except for the guy driving the kia stopped for them. i'd be mad at the kia driver, but it's gotta suck knowing that your ride could be totaled by a baby chick. since my person is an animal-loving dork, she got in line behind chick #6 and caught a couple of shots.

She Wants MP...

she wants her not.
she wants mp...
she wants her not.
oh. she wants mp.















and it's very mutual.

Love Notes and Lullabies

my person is a romantic soul-- trapped in a cynical, lusty body. she does, however, have some sweetness that she shares when she's in serious like. the first stage comes in the form of the newly-burned cd. sure, it's just the modern mixed tape, but who doesn't love to get in their car the morning after a late date and hear songs that someone chose especially for them. someone just got the first cd mp has made in a long time, and (in a surreal moment) the cd played while they cuddled (or whatever the euphemism of the day is). in that moment, mp realized how intimate a cd from her is.

life has a soundtrack. my person has always been big on music; every major moment, every relationship, every memory has a song attached in some way. when she shares the songs, she doesn't usually share the story, but she always shares a part of herself. music-- the favorites, the ones that hurt to much to hear, the ones that bring smiles, the ones that cause the peddle to slip towards the floor on the freeway, the ones that silence-- is very exposing. the mixed cd says, "this is what i like; this is what matters to me. this is my taste; this is what i feel. do you like it, too?" it's holding a hand out into space, waiting to see if someone reaches out across the crackling air.

mp is passionate about music in the way that some people are passionate about family, sex, money, drugs... and, as she held the girl, letting the aural and physical blend, she realized that she will never again be satisfied with compartmentalizing the things she loves. those days are gone. everything that is needed to be happy surrounds her, and she understands that only an idiot lives to please others when happiness is at the door. there might come a time when another song gets added to the "wow-that-song-gives-my-feelers-a-tweak" list, but there will be a hundred others that get added to the goofy-grin pile.

Truth in Advertising

Here We Go

"...we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, but my head's spinning."
-- Liz Phair

mp and the chickapea went to the drive-in with only the best intentions. they even picked a block of movies with absolutely no sex appeal whatsoever-- 28 weeks later and disturbia. in the real world, those will kill any romantic goings-on, but in m-chicka-p-land the outside world is foggy and distant. sometimes, it's so distant that, 6 hours into their visit, mp realizes that her car battery is completely dead.

in any other relationship, this would be an issue; it might even be a reason for mp to get yelled at. in m-chicka-p-land, it's just another funny anecdote that the chickapea will amuse her friends over lunch. she took the dead batery news with a laugh and suggested more making out to celebrate the randomness of the stuff that happens while they are together.

it wasn't great timing; it wasn't a great location. it was perfect all the same.

later, mp did the walk of tramp, uh, shame... to the snack bar so that some teenager could laugh as he wheeled out the battery charger and asked what they were doing for so long that they forgot to crank the car.

mp held up the sweater she was carrying and replied that the answer, clearly, was knitting.

Horseshoe Still Firmly Wedged

mp has said more than once this past year that she is waiting for the horseshoe that is wedged up her ass to fall out. everything good just keeps coming. it's incredible; even the occassional set-back is countered quickly with something amazing and new. mp can't help feeling like it has to end sometime.

how long can one person be completely, uncompromisingly happy? she understands that when the horseshoe does wiggle loose, it may land on her toe... but, for now, she'll just enjoy all the great things that are coming her way and try to pass on the joy.

Great Political Moments in Retrospect, #3

"The illiteracy rate of our children are appalling."
-- George W. Bush, 2002


it's those damn ivy league schools; i'm telling you.

Was That Out Loud?

CHICKAPEA: oh, we should go.... i can't be good much longer.
MP: Uh, who said you were good?
CHICKAPEA: oh, really? you're really lucky that you have beautiful eyes.
MP: you're lucky you have really big boobs.

she has it all, including a sense of humor and a great ass.
if mp's not careful, she gonna end up a little sprung.

Puppy Love

mp has never been good at hiding what she's thinking, feeling.
sometimes, when she's really into someone, she gets this love-struck, puppy eyes thing going. she can't control it; it's just something that happens. it isn't anything bad... just a moment of unguarded affection/desire/need/love/warmth/interest. when she catches mp looking, the chickapea tells her, "god. i love it when you look at me like that."

that's a hell of a lot better than "stop fagging out."

Superman to the Rescue

clark kent has once again used his super powers to help mp. this time for good instead of evil. well, for connections instead of debauchery (although she has used his line three times in the last month-- hey! it's a good line). thanks to our hero, mp is just about half-set for fall. just like cherry jello in the fridge, this half-set is looking pretty tasty.

Great Political Moments in Retrospect, #2

"My friends, that's trickle-down economics, and I believe every worker in America is tired of being trickled on by George W. Bush." -- John Kerry, 2004

"What?! You Got a Puppy?!

all i got in my room was some sham-poo!"

i can't wait until shrek 3 comes out. mp says we can see it together at the drive in. i think she just wants an excuse to get the chickapea back there. she keeps going to the movies she wants to see with pimptress-- and then goes to the same one with the chickapea. i don't get it. why does she have to go twice? i asked her, and she said she'd tell me later....

oh! i got another new outfit. it's a little loud, but i can rock it like nobody else. you know who can make a paper sack look stylish? this pup!