Because Things Aren't Complicated Enough...

here comes the red ball again.
it's just... my god, she's beautiful.

Translations

it's amazing how words spoken in a thick, finnish accent can be nearly unintelligible over coffee or walking around....
yet completely clear when spoken against the hollows of a neck.
the simple act of translation can result in awesome kinetic energy.

Paying Homage to Cleopuptra

s.c.w.a.g. came back from new york bearing gifts.
mp got nice leather gloves to keep her paws warm...
and i got a little something for my collar.

it's a smart "potential" (as pimptress calls them all)
that recognizes the power of the puppy.

later, there was rain, dinner, random disco in the middle of citywalk, margaritas, drunken kissing, bobble-head jesus, wind-up toys, hot girls, mariachi, salt-n-peppa part deux, "more than one art," hello kitty, the blockheads, crooked cars, and a chance to... view some etchings.

Where's My Pimptress?

i'm shaking it for you until you come back to us.
we need our playmate back!
we'll show you our shiny things if you show us yours...

Yeah, Baby

why am i smiling?



jiggy's back in net.


pronger and frenchy are on the blueline.





the stars got spanked.


all is right with the world.

WTF

did he seriously say, "will you call me tomorrow?"

Beauty

"I feel like I've been in a coma for the past twenty years. And I'm just now waking up."

"I have lost something. I'm not exactly sure what it is but I know I didn't always feel this... sedated. But you know what? It's never too late to get it back."

"It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself."

"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday."

-American Beauty

Mira Ya Viene El Sol

ya, ya, ya viene el sol.
florece se abre
como una bella flor.

calienta mi alma,
y borra mi dolor,
con tu luz traes la vida,
con tu calor das amor.

Pup with the Most Toys

8 Months...

92 more pounds...
and a million smiles later.


"I know this obsession with thinness is
unhealthy and anti-feminist, but that's what a fat girl would say!"
--Lisa Simpson


400/300/208/160

The Stars Shine For You...

but it's just a song.
and i cannot.

View My Naked Shame

mp wasn't pleased about me sharing her showeroake song.
she sent nude pictures of me in the bath to roll-it-rover magazine.
i can't believe she sent them to such a smutty rag. puppies use that to paper train, damnit! she could have at least sent them to something classy like playdog or rolling bone. if people are gonna see me without my collar, they are going to see it here first- in arty, tasteful shots.

My Feelers Are Down

mp said no more pulp fiction for me until i learn to watch my potty mouth.

Why...

is my writing so disjointed lately?
since a couple of you have asked, i thought i'd answer here.

i don't have opposable thumbs, you fuckers!
why you gotta make a d.o.g. feel bad?
eh, i'm also pretty busy keeping mp in line, but i'm sure things will be back to "normal" soon. in the meantime, grab a fat tire and watch some hockey-- it'll make you feel better.

oh, yeah. the latina barrista mp picked up on before she and tits mcgee went to see pan's labyrinth finally called. not true. she finally left a message; in actuality, she called about 6 times and hung up. i doubt mp takes her out, since she has already violated the two call rule (you can call and hang up with no message once; after that, either talk or stop fucking dialing). i, however, may take her to costco for a hotdog and hump her leg.

what? homegirl was fine, with a capital dd.

He'd Take A Chamber Pot For Her....

a funny thing happened on the way to the honda center. for whatever reason, the topic of why men walk closer to the street than the women they escort came up. apparently, it had something to do with the emptying of chamber pots from windows. s.a.c.w.g. declared he'd take a chamber pot for mp. mp declared that was a one-way deal. he was okay wih it, much like he was ok with it 2 hours later when mp blurted out, "wow! that girl has really big boobs."

in all fairness to my tourette's girl, they did kinda get places way before the rest of her did. i'm just saying.

it was actually a good night. it was fun, relaxed, and uncomplicated.... and we all know how mp is about keeping things uncomplicated. it reminded us, again, that mp deserved a hell of a lot better than what she settled for. it also reminded her that she no longer has to get up in the middle of the cold night to wring out someone's hair and hanging it up to dry... and that people who take stuff like that for granted are at the bottom of the narcissistic barrel. there's a story about this that will be shared later....

a quick note to all of you fly-by mfers that left the game early last night:
at playoff time, you will be the first weasels in line, trying to snatch up tickets because you are "die hard fans."
few things are more annoying than watching people chase the band wagon.
next time they stink it up, sit your fucking asses down and cheer.
our house; our team. good- bad- winning- losing- injured- healthy- tired- energized--
our house; our team.

Motherfucking Bunnies

Fantastic Bunny Theater

really, some bunny moments are better than the original.

i particularly support t.c.m., r.h.p.s., and titanic as tributes to shit it's hard to sit through... and hard to move away from. only, bunnyized, they rock. others, like pulp fiction and the big chill are brilliant.

hey, those are some charming motherfucking bunnies.

Tell Me a Story

i always used to ask mp and ike turner to tell me the story of how i was born, how we became a family. the story made me happy because i realized that no matter what, mp would be there for me. even when it's 40 degrees outside and i drank too much water before bed. i won't tell that story here, because it's a private one. but, at night, i ask mp to tell it to me often.

there are lots of stories still being written. i think that's what's weirdest about the last year. the stories are all different; my life is a choose your own adventure these days. i love it.

i can tell lots of stories that i wouldn't have a year ago. i can tell about pimptress' most wonderful pussy and her yapping chica; the red ball; hetero, needy boys; the trifecta of bar games ass-kicking mp received; fat tire beer; picking up baristas; dropping off housewives; the finn; hockey games with the uninitiated; sammy; trails, stairs, and the cowering paths; singing in the car; walking the canals by christmas light; shaking my tail on 2nd st, picking up the ladies (and their leftovers); gourmet biscuit runs to petco that started with bang and ended with a swede; tossing out the old; shopping for the new; popo action on the first date... followed by popo sister action on the second; the latina drew barrymore (hot and crazy, just like mp likes it); new year's eve (don't drink and text, people); moseying; the list is endless.

currently, the g-ma is trying to talk mp out of jumping from a perfectly good airplane. but, i say go for it; mp is one pf the few people i know can fly. if we can find a puppy-harness and doggy-goggles, i'm in. and we'll have new stories about how mp and i stayed a family.

Lynchings, Frost Bite, Blue Balls, and Clubs

yeah. that's what happens when pimptress and mp go for friday night play time.

i shouldn't complain, though. it's better than saturday night's fat tire-induced karaoke-under-the-covers session.

Oxytocin

feed your head

That Dirty, Dirty Girl

i caught mp the other day.
you would never believe what filth she was looking at....
i am so terribly ashamed.

if you don't believe me, see the disgusting pornography for yourself.

Ruh-Roh

Iwao Takamoto
1925-2007

The Bestest Pussy Ever