Hypocrite Warren

i'm not always the smartest doggy in the pack, but i'm not sure how to interpret these two clips of rick warren without wondering if he's going to go to the back of the wagon and sell snake oil at the inauguration.



okay... so "god hard wired us" and we shouldn't go against it. got it.



wait... what the fuck?

'Lettinme Be Mice Elf Agin

Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)

another awesome year is almost... on its way!

this last one has been great for me and my person. (well, except for having mono for most of it.) we bought a place, advanced the career, move still higher on the educational ladder, made some sweet friend (and some dirty love), grew as people (and puppy), and realized that it doesn't get any better than this.

for the last couple of years, we have not only been gloriously happy at moments, we have been serene and content at every moment. few people ever get to say that... we get to live it together.

It's 3am; Do You Know Where Your Person Is?

mine is out carousing. paperwork is in; projects are in. for the first time in about a year, she has nothing (okay, almost nothing) to do. except the neighbor, apparently... but that's a tale for a different time.

as soon as she finishes changing and heads to the gym, i'm going to bed. my gray whiskers are too old for this all-nighter stuff. frankly, my person is, too. tomorrow we're going to start painting our new home and pick out a christmas gift for the pea. she's let mp drool up her bed for almost two years, so i'm thinking it better be something good.

Best Guy Pt 2

fire girl wants an official note on the record, amending the last post:

"yeah, except for that gay thing."

Still the Greatest Guy in the World

for no reason whatsoever, mp looked at sacwg's portfolio tonight. she was cleaning out her bookmarks and flipped through his photos, remembering little things about their time together.

20 minutes later, he contacted her... after a year or so of not talking. they cleared some things up and realized that each was exactly what the other needed at the time. sacwg really is one of the greatest men on the planet. he's big, and gentle, and mild, and strong, and creative, and spontaneous... and a total fit for my person in many ways. mp didn't mean to hurt his feelings; she's just going through her free spirit phase...

and he loved both of us.

we love him, too. and that's why we're rooting for him for be the best, happiest sacwg he can be.

Who Knew?

my nana loves my new place and says mp made a very good investment for our future. now she wants us to buy another one down the street so she can live at the beach, too.

Scared Now, Are We?

after prop 8 was passed, there were snide comments about the fact that opponents tried to win the black (and latino) votes by linking gay rights to civil rights. the denouncement by minority groups was a slap in the face of people who have a history of standing tall for true equality-- regardless of color. civility wasn't due to us.

now, less than a month later, the fear that prop 8 is the screen that will allow other people's rights to be shaken and sifted through has set it. people of color are looking around, finally realizing that taking away one group's civil freedom simply sets a precedent for removing another.

thinking back on the last 200 years of american history-- and how it was jolted in the 60's and 70's-- one has to wonder how much longer people who want only the right to acknowledge their commitment to love and protect will remain peaceful and loving towards those who would see them dead.

Typos of Great Literary Significance #2

"It's always fun to do cartwheels and summer sluts outside."

Sammy the Shaman

...made toewes and kane disappear.

go ducks!

Typos of Great Literary Significance #1

"I love Harry Pooter."

Oh, Dave

we're embarrassed for you. there's a fine line between humor for the masses and homophobia.



naked insecurity is so 1997.

We Love You, Wanda Sykes

thank you for coming out as a strong, black, gay woman.

Unsaid

more than 1,000 WWII veterans die each day. this was the goodbye to ours. papa never talked about his war, but he was in the tank division and was lucky to come back when many of his brothers did not.

It's Always Somebody's Fire Girl

we're a little worried about ours.

The Sky is Falling...

down in little flakes. ash that is over an inch long is coming down. over the last hour, the sky has gone from blue with a smokey trail through the center to a black. the ash that is blowing in from brea is still hot. it's hard to breathe. doofus is going crazy in the next room, pacing and trying to find a place to hide.

Why the Pea Rocks #4

not only does she send mp random, naughty pictures to go with the games mp makes up...

she plays the games.

Proposition Q

now that i've had some thinkin' time, i have realized the error in my ways. the people who fought to pass a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage-- the people who actually want to change our state's governing document so that it discriminates against people based on biological differences-- are not ridiculous bastards. they really aren't. in fact, i've done much soul searching and realized they are absolutely correct:

marriage is sacred, and marriage needs to be defended.

in the spirit of that strong desire to keep marriage sacred-- because this is not about discrimination, after all-- i will be busting my tail to get proposition Q on the next ballot. prop Q will be the ultimate tool to keep marriage holy by making divorce illegal. marriage is a sacred union. it is a bond between two people-- oh, sorry, a man and a woman-- that must span their entire lives. how can marriage be sacred if people are allowed to break this bond whenever something goes wrong? how can marriage be considered a holy institution if the vows a man and a woman make before god can be nullified in a court of law because one of them got bored?

i know that no one who voted to pass proposition 8 has ever been divorced. that would be immoral! but there are heathens out there who think nothing of defiling marriage. proposition Q is the answer. ban divorce between a man and a woman. keep family values intact.

Bye, Papa

we probably had a better relationship with you than anyone else on earth did.

































































































i didn't get to meet my other grandparents-- the brown ones-- but mp says they were the nicest people on earth.

Renovations and Revelations

since i made mp buy me a beach pad, i told her i would chronicle both the transformation of the new diggs and the city we love.

it's only fair. after all, the lbc is an awesome place, and we're moving into a great "walking neighborhood" a block from the beach. the city is currently looking at the possibility of getting rid of the breakwater. if that happens, our city will totally transform.... in the mean time, check out pup in the city for what's good (and bad) about our new home.

Who Owns A Beach Pad?

this girl!

as of today, i am officially a home owner.

don't worry, i'm making mp pay the mortgage so i can keep my season tickets for the ducks.

F-F-F...

we're being funded as my paws type this.

Right, Then.

this puppy already sees kobe as a dillhole, but the fact that he's wearing shorts in the commercial solidifies it.

The Hit

here's the hit everyone's been asking about.

Friday Night Hockey

don't judge me.

The Sammy 500

my sammy hit 500 nhl games today.



update: sammy potted his second goal of the season!

go ducks go!

I'm Feelin' Hedi All of a Sudden

welcome, bret hedican! we need your heart and passion.



teach the d how to fly; show us some sweet point shots.
we promise not to call you mr yamaguchi... much.

One Week

seven days...

and mp and i will own our own place.

crazy.

Ouch...

the sight of an empty 6x4 net must be terrifying.
it wasn't so much that michael leighton had to make saves; he just happened to be near the net when the puck didn't go into it.
i don't think anyone will be sad when they hit the road this week.

go bond, boys.
play pick up games.
hang out as a group.
eat some poutine and wonder what the hell that squeaking sound is.

we need our ducks back!

on another note, my sammy (as usual) had a hell of a game.

Covered in... Something

the edmonton oilers organization is crap.

ducks fans have known this for a couple of years, but the oilers decided to prove it to the rest of the hockey-loving world by ejecting a blogger who has been covering them rather graciously. let's face it, edmonton should be paying this guy for watching them play and reporting, not tossing him out on his ass.



"oilers suck."

Peas

the pea will be gone off and on for the next few weeks.

we're actually kind of sad.

who will we mosey around at night with?



right. i'm sure mp will think of something.

Back in the Game!

4-0 in the third period after my sammy deked his way past nabokov.



monty stepped up and got thornton off the ice for 7 minutes.

this is why we have season tickets, baby!

Mommy, Why is the Music so Loud?

because even flyers fans have some taste.

"At what point do you cease to be an agent for healing and growth and become an accomplice of injustice?"

"How is marriage protected by intimidating gay and lesbian people into loveless and lonely lives? ...I am morally compelled to vote no on Proposition 8. I know these words of truth will cost me dearly, but to withhold them . . . I would become an accomplice to a moral evil that strips gay and lesbian people not only of their civil rights but of their human dignity as well."
--Father Geoffrey Farrow, gay priest

Even My People Are Affected

"My Dogs greeting me after returning from 14 months in Iraq, pre-arranged"

thanks to andrew sullivan for sharing this on his blog... in addition to many other things.

i freak out when mp disappears for a few hours.
i can't even imagine not being together for months....
but what strikes me most is how my people love unconditionally and stay loyal.

Turn Off the Light, Damnit

i wish mp would hurry up and leave so i can go back to sleep.

Thank You, Teemu...

for turning down $10,000,000.00 to play a single season in russia.
for working your ass off in training camp without a safety net.
for spending your free time and money helping our community.
for getting me and mp into the best sport on earth.
for goals like this...

for coming home.

Anyone Catch the Latest Palin Interview?

my person and i already knew she's unfit.

we were aware she's an intolerant ass.

holy crap!

she's stupid, too!

on another note, if i squint, i can see a trader joe's from my front yard. apparently that makes me qualified to be a gourmet chef.

"Treasury Proposes to Have Wall St. Manage Bad Debt"

this is a fucking joke, right?

The Scariest Word in the English Language

escrow

Why the Pea Rocks #3

because it's like dating 17 (well-adjusted) people in one.
sometimes, natasha... a czech girl who is paying her way through med school as an escort.



next week, it's the pirate's wench.

A Little Rain Must Fall...

but after this pup gets the suds washed off, i know how to work it for a cookie or three.

DMB

here are some shots from the 2nd dmb show at staples. mp and the pea had pretty great seats, considering these were taken on a camera phone without the benefit of zoom. looking at them now, we realize that dave does an awful lot of standing around with his guitar. what does he think he is-- a rock star?

That's Hot, Part 2

why they gotta take an amazing ass and put it in pants that make it look like firegirl wears a diaper?

One Of Them Needs More Lipstick

in this case, i think doofus way outclasses the competition.

The Defense Rests

what girl hasn't been caught dragging her person's panties through the house? what girl hasn't used the airbed as a trampoline and accidentally wiped out a shelf full of lotions and makeup? who, i ask, who is innocent of the occasional late night refrigerator raid? if mp doesn't want her cheese chewed open in the middle of the night, she should get a fridge with a lock.

however, i am a wonderful puppy compared to these guys.








see more here.

Knock, Knock...

oh, dear god. it's republican honesty!

i guess a live mike is an honest mike.

This Is What Love Is

knowing that del martin died a married woman makes me sit a little straighter, a little prouder.

2012

there will be some huge changes for the 2012 olympics.

thanks to angel matos, taekwondo-- already on the verge of being eliminated from the games-- will be history.



on the other hand, he has a strong shot at medalling if world-class douche becomes a category.

12 Proof Outlaw

it started innocently enough. i went for a walk with mp and met some of our potential neighbors. there are some very hot girls in the lbc, and there are some very friendly pups. seriously though, you should at least ask before you stick your nose in someone's crotch. that goes for the dogs, too.

we met a nice lady. i'll call her gladys, because i can't remember her real name, but she wore these cool 50's style glittery glasses and laughed like a truck stop waitress-- all snort and fluttering breast. gladys is a licensed electrician and general contractor that found her true love after getting her degree in architecture at usc. she's a good girl to know. she also likes an occasional brew on her front porch after work.

this, of course, is where i come in.

while mp was talking to gladys, i roamed around the porch, being sure to make sure mp was firmly attached to her leash. if i let that one run loose, she tends to jump on people and slobber all over them, so i keep her in line.

i moseyed over to this interesting bench that gladys had designed. inside the lid, there were blankets and cushions for her porch swing... and beer. beer that were kept cold by the refrigeration system gladys had built into the bench. it was like puppy nirvana, and what better way is there to show love but to climb in and get down with the blankets and beer?

it took me a while to figure out that the metal containers can be bitten open, but i didn't want to interrupt mp and her new playmate....

when they found me, i was soaked and a little tipsy, but let me tell you: that is the best porch in all of long beach. i highly recommend everyone give it a visit.

Best Blog-- Ever

squirrels getting down and nutty.

DMB Day

it's dave matthews day, but we're sad.



goodbye, leroi.

Wild Donkeys Await

Putting the Blah-g Out

mp has too much going on for any worthwhile adventures. well, except for the naked water polo tournament, but that's something that would need to be documented with a wide-angle lens, and i don't have one of those.

fire girl wants the world to know that she's not "illurterate" (she is), and that she doesn't shower when the guys do (she does). so. now you know. she also wants to sell a 2006 mini cooper s. i told her that that kind of information belongs on a different site, but she insists that since mp and i have both rolled around in it, the car is a creepy collector's item.

i suggested she get the interior detailed and downplay that connection.

Dear Mr Cash

please stop buying our houses.

some of us have to finance.

don't be a douche.

thank you.

You Talkin' to Me?

this was on our desk when we came into work.



i think someone is trying to tell mp something.
ah, finals week... and the smell of flop sweat and fear.

Hello, Hello

it kind of reminds me of the time mp was wandering through kaiser and came across this.

Gay Guy Advice #1

the salesman at the body shop was very enthusiastic about one of their products. as he gestured with it, slapped it into his hand, and swung it back and forth lightly, he said, "oh, my gosh! this is like the most relaxing thing ever. i swear, i've never felt anything so good."



i wonder if the name describes the massager... or what that guy was massaging with it...

Location, Location, Location

our realtor thinks the pea is "incredibly beautiful."

we just think we're lucky because we get hillside property -- at the beach.

Lime Green, Lime Green and Tangerine

my playful, d.u.m., oblivious person was talking to the pea around an hour after gay marriages became actively legal. so, in true mp style, she jokingly asked the pea, "wanna get married?" i don't think the pea had even finished saying "i would marry you," before the jetwash of my fleeing person wooshed away the sound.

Countdown

it's 8 days, 2 hours, and 2 minutes until season ticket upgrade! sweet! mp is going to score us some awesome seats for the fall's date-a-thon. actually, the chickapea has become our best hockey girl, so we'll probably have her go with us and help choose locations. after all, she'll be the one getting groped in those seats-- at least most of the time.

the great house hunt is also heating up. i'm pretty glad we waited for property instead of buying a condo. i can't wait to tear it up in my personal dog park.

Come Back or Hand Off?

does anyone else feel like the celts toyed with the lakers so that they could go back to boston and win it all at home? nah... that would be crazy. crazy, like repeated give-ways by a team that had eaten up a huge lead in the last two quarters....

Alley-Oops

the celts came damn close to blowing a 20 point lead in the final minutes of game 2. they got a little cocky. maybe they saw eddie johnson's play before their game...

luckily "whine-like-a-bitch" (when he isn't busy ignoring the word "no") bryant is going home down 2 games.

That's Just Nuts

my squirrel friend is a a huge futbol fan, so we decided to chill on the new deck with a couple of frosty paws and watch the usa v argentina "friendly" re-match. i didn't know that there are "out" players on the us team. i was so excited at the 50-minute mark, when eddie johnson reached in on javier mascherano and yanked on a handful of argentine junk. it turns out that johnson is aptly named. i guess "the future of usa soccer" is either a real dick or truly all about balls.

when masche got sent off later on, he wasn't trying to injure anyone with his spikes-up slide. he was just getting used to the extra three inches of hang johnson gave him.

The Strings of Addiction

mp was arrested last night. the police confiscated her laptop and found all kinds of... god. i can't even believe it... fuzz pornography. christ, what an embarrassment. she told me the movies she watched online were educational films.

A People's History

rosalyn zinn, wife of howard zinn, died. it seems only fitting to include all of the headlines for the day.



this puppy can only hope that the name zinn still means something when i am forgotten.

Wabbit Season! Duck Season!

the wings won the cup. it's time for hockey withdrawals... again.

the bright side is that it's almost time to choose season seats!

go ducks!

REM State

the yellow shuttle broke down on the way to the REM concert at the bowl. before the drive began, mp told the chickapea that she didn't want to ride the short yellow bus because it would cause flash backs; the woman across from them said something about jet blue. 30 minutes later, they were stuck on the side of the 710, drinking and laughing hysterically with the other eight people who had joined the troublemakers club at the back of the bus. it was one of the best tailgate parties-- ever. by the time they got to the bowl, modest mouse was about to start their set and mp had a number for the cute, chubby "straight" girl in the "back-back."

inside the bowl, it looked like an aarp convention. mp has been to CSN&Y concerts with less wrinkles. it actually took an hour or so before the doobie-doobie-doo covered the intoxicating blend of polyester and flexall 44.

The Long Butt of the Law

chp called mp and asked to meet for coffee. mp immediately flahed back to a conversation she'd had with pimptress only a few weeks before.

PIMPTRESS: you're still fucking firegirl?
MP: uh...
PIMPTRESS: chp is going to kill you. really. the woman carries a gun. she is going to shoot you dead.

mp told chp that she was really booked and had to be at work early since it's finals week. everyone that knows mp knows that she has various "pimpy's"-- the original pimpy's, pimpy jr's, pimpy light, mc pimpy's, work pimpy's, and old lady pimpy's-- where there's a barrista that's in her 60's that loves her some mp. when she sees mp, she gives her a spank, a wink, and a free venti drip.

hey, it's an arrangement that works for them both....

chp, of course, showed up at mp's "office" and was waiting when mp strolled in for her morning drip and smack on the ass from the old lady barrista. in her head, mp heard pimptress' voice, "she gonna shoot you dead. ha-ha." firegirl dumped chp and told her it was because chp was too skinny and high maintenance. firegirl apparently lost it and told chp that she didn't know what her problem was-- it was impossible to have a stick up her ass, because the stick would be wider.

chp was devastated, and mp was appalled by firegirl's personal attack. of course, this totally cleared up what firegirl sees in mp... i digress.

chp spent 15 minutes moaning and fishing for compliments. eventually, mp told her she was curvy, sexy and wonderful. well...
she is sexy.

when chp asked about her "stick ass," mp toed around the subject, then finally looked into those big gray eyes and said, "she's crazy. it's practically a ghetto booty." mp is the worst liar in the world, but chp was happy. when they got in line for refills, mp looked at chp from behind and started thinking about going into acting.

Framed

poor doofus.
she's kinda goofy, sweet, and dumb...
and she totally just got blamed for mp's trip to the cheese slicer.
nana even threw her outside for being so stinky.
that's funny!

Dreaming of the East Coast

for the first (and likely only) time, i wish i lived on the east coast.
the nhl eastern conference finals are set:
pittsburg vs philadelphia.

those games are going to be insane.

Little Bee

little bee on my pillow...
mp calls me lillybee sometimes.
little bee on my pillow...
i'm sorry i ate you.
well, no i'm not...
you tried to defend yourself and were eviscerated.
there's got to be a metaphor in there somewhere...

tonight, when i poop, i'll think of you.
and i'll declare to all:
here lies little bee...
warrior.
tasted good with dip.

Under Dogs Rule

de la hoya is a douche... for a variety of reasons. when mp first met him in 2002, during the gala for his boxeo de oro, she thought he was caught in the throes of pugialistic dementia. no. he's just a douche. a douche with a knack for using monetary settlements to make unseemly things go away.

even though he didn't win, i like steve forbes.

there's a lot of fight in that dog.

Afternoons

12:45pm: wake up; lick butt; remember peanut butter cookies i ate the night before
12:46pm: look for more peanut butter cookies
12:47pm: give up search for pb cookies; lick ass again
12:51pm: realize that butt is no substitute for actual cookies; beg nana for some more
1:23pm: continue begging; use both ears to manipulate
1:32pm: curse nana for not giving me more than one cookie

1:34pm: bark like mad at ups driver
1:46pm: get last word in as UPS driver leaves the area
1:47pm: lay in front of the door to keep watch over the neighborhood
2:12pm: suntan turn-over time
2:56pm: drink water; decide to test stability of bowl; step in water
2:57pm: complain that something is in my water
3:04pm: drink from fresh water
3:05pm: decide to test stability of bowl...again

3:08pm: get tired of nan yelling at me; go outside to find some birds
3:11pm: hit back wall for the 5th time
3:12pm: tell birds they will be mine
3:47pm: try to reason with birds
4:02pm: conspire with squirell friend to perform sneak attack on birds
4:26pm: disgusted with squirell friend's inability to stop eating the seeds in bird food long enough to carry out mission
4:35pm: nap

Mornings

4:00am: wake up; french mp; realize i now have all the blankets; lounge
5:00am: pretend to go outside to please mp
5:15am: kiss my person goodbye
5:18am: kiss my person goodbye after she comes back for her bag
5:20am: kiss my person (and her phone) goodbye for real
5:21am: take nap number 1

9:00am: curse at nana when she makes me go outside
9:02am: pee
9:05am: create sculpture
9:08am: chastize neighbors for sleeping in
9:09am: duck
9:10am: tell neighbors they missed

9:11am: run; bark like hell
9:56am: try to remember what i'm barking about
10:30am: mail truck arrives; paroxisms of fury begin
11:15am: mail truck leaves
11:16am: take nap number 2

Every Day is Our Birthday!

PEA: you realize that if you put that picture back up, you're never putting my face on there.
MP: totally okay with that.
PEA: ....
MP: i mean... uh...
PEA: that's exactly what you mean.



that slinky, snug wrap dress pops open like the world's best present when mp tugs the string.

i just beg them to pop in a dvd and put a blanket on the couch for me whenever that damn thing comes out of the closet.

Customer Service

the pea is a corporate trainer for brandX, and convinced mp to switch to that brand when she bought her last all-in-one. the transition has not been seamless.

MP: stupid brandX
PEA: aw. if i come over, i can fix it for you....
MP: no. i only switched from hp because you said so!
PEA: aw. brandX is the best on the market.
MP: brandX can blow me
PEA: uh, they kind of already are

One Night with the Pea

*** insert obscene comments here.























*** seriously. this was parked out front when they got home.






















***i would like to formally state the the pea loves frilly little v.s. panties with matching bras and the occassional garter belt/stockings combo. mp, however, gets the random hard-on for granny panties.




















the pea and i are trying to get her into therapy for this terrible lapse in otherwise impeccable taste.

The Shallow End of the Gene Pool

i'm not sure if jonathan roy is truly a douche in his own right or if it's just daddy's influence. on one hand, he attacks a guy not doing anything to defend himself; on the other hand, look at the other red jerseys (coached by daddy) breaking the code and hitting guys while they're on the ice. perhaps, in a true nod to the Roy family's genes, the remparts le quebec massengills.

B____ Boy

i was scrolling through a blog devoted to obscure superheroes, and i stumbled across "blockade boy." once again, i was reminded of the true nature of comics....

muscular, attractive men in tights...
taking "boys" as their proteges-- in tights, of course...
then going to secret locations where there were other muscular men in tights...
with some vaguely plausible excuse for their actions.

this pane from "blockade boy"





























































says a lot more when it doesn't "say" anything.




at least there was a brief prison reference to set the mood.