What We Were Thankful For

of course, the last few games have seen multiple women exposed to the joys of hockey--
but that doesn't change m.p.'s hetero-crush on sammy.

The Return of Stretchy Pants

m.p. has been called fickle by the best of them. she is still chasing the red ball, but the pursuit is getting old. i think they'll have come to some sort of decision by the end of next month. but look at my past predictions and make your own decision about how much you want to wager on that.

so, there will a be a (how ever brief) return of stretchy pants. the fact that she knows about the stretchy pants reference and keep good humor about it is reason enough. there are, however, plenty of other qualities that make her one of the few to be recalled from the minors. the fact that she is very pretty helps.

she's still no red ball. that particular object of desire will be out of the country for a couple of weeks.... and then m.p. can start chasing again. game on.

a side note:
right now, flix is playing DIVA, an 80's movie that is one of the most underrated ever made. it is the sammy of movies. if you can spare the time, i highly recommend seeing it. there are some great 80's moments included with the price of your netflix.

Divorce Works on Her

We Love You Sammy

samuel pahlsson is the most underrated player in hockey.

the guy dominates in faceoffs, is defensively sound, and can throw the shoulder like nobody else.

deals like the pahlsson trade help make up for picking up porn stars.

Today

today marks six months on mf.
mp is currently 227, which is 73# less than what she started with.
more importantly, it's 173# less than what she weighed at her largest.

mp cannot deny that she feels the loss should be more rapid. it feels weird to have something she is so intimately linked to (her body) fight her at every turn. clearly, mp's ass feels the need to hold on to every ounce of lard it can. i have spoken, ad nauseum, to her thighs; one day, they might listen.

in the mean time, we just keep hoping for the best-- and not eating the worst.

inside, mp still feels like she weighs 400#. i don't know how, if that will change. it kills me sometimes. the body issues, are (of course) compounded by the new enemy: sagging skin. she has it. her thighs look like they are melting. her stomache is getting weird lumps in the middle where the residual fat is gathered. it is depressing and humiliating.... but, it is ours. we purchased this body through years of neglect. it is my hope that constant rennovation will leave this structure inhabitable once more.

We Needed the NHL Pornstar, Why?

the ducks, up until recently, have been fantastic this season. but, to be honest, we love them even when they suck... and, in past seasons, boy have they sucked. sometimes, though, it's the moves made off the ice that make us cringe more than the ones the on ice.

remember that stupendous trade anaheim made with san jose in 2001? teemu selanne for jef friesen and steve shields. yeah, they gave up teemu for steve fucking shields. it was truly a moment of brilliance.

trading away todd fedoruk (injured or not) and wiggling around to get george parros is a bit like dropping johnny depp and replacing him with ron jeremy. yeah, i'm sure the product will be just as good. seriously. the fact that fedoruk could fight, AND skate, AND even find the back of the net once in a while should not detract anything thing from parros. after all, the guy moves with the agility of a hippo and scores as often as screech did on saved by the bell.

oh, yeah, he can fight.

don't get us wrong, fighting serves an important function in hockey, but the days of the goon are over. players are rennaissance men. they can do more than use their faces to block the fists of others.... look at shawn thornton's admirable performance while he was called up. thornton has game. parros has a mustache that calls for tube socks, gold chains, and "bow-chika-bow-bow" music in the background.

Let's Pretend We're in Jr High

mp has put out a survey for those (subjectively) lucky enough to have gone out with her. the results have been fascinating. really. i was so busy laughing at the way women called mp on her bullshit that i must have gone 4 hours without a single lick at my ass. don't worry, i made up for lost time....

so, anyway. mp continues to chase the red ball. it is very colorful and bouncy, but i'm pretty sure she's nering her limit. the irony, of course, is that the ball is the most amazing toy mp has ever come across-- even though she hasnt gotten to play with it yet.

they did a mini golf date last night. that's right! straight from the archives of junior high come-on rountines: putt putt.

it was actually fun and kind of sweet.... and (just like in junior high) nothing else happened. well, the ball was fun to watch as she lined up her shots, but that was thanks to a low cut shirt and... being well inflated. that is one tight, red ball.

i'm just saying.

the problem with mp is that she has been scarred so badly she is afraid of reopening them with someone else. it makes sense, really. i mean, if you eat the peking duk one night and spend the next three days peking in the toilet, you don't hurry back for more. this explains the multiple survey respondants (some of which i will post here at a later time).

but this red ball.... when it bounces in the street, mp just has to chase it.

after mini golf, mp introduced her to the art of a good mosey-- complete with an explaination about what differentiates a mosey from a stroll, a jaunt, and even a saunter. the red ball was a fantastic sport-- particularly when they decided that "i let you pay for miniature golf, so show me your room" had the potential to be a good line. unfortunately, mp just can't find the nerve to invite the ball to play a game. and the ball keeps bouncing. since this is part of her appeal, it creates a terrible sense of ambivalence in our reluctant, horny hero.

but, my god, it's fun to watch.

and, seriously, "i let you pay for golf, so you should show me your room" really is a great line.

Victoria's Secret...

is that when you take the bra off, your boobs go with it.

Saved by the Borat

mp got out and laughed harder than she has in a really long time.
for a while, all the crap that has happened to her over the last several months was pushed aside.
of course, there was more sweaty, hairy, ass crack that any one person should have to endure,
but the company at her side was there to keep her eyes averted.

sasha baron cohen is a freaking genius.

400/300/229.5

The Thin Line Between Love and Weight

mp made an important decision yesterday.
she's had a secret for seven months. seven months as of today.
every time she feels happy, the memory of this secret pops into her head and poisons her from the inside out.
the secret has taken over her dreams.
the secret has shredded her heart.
the secret is coming out.

people who want to hurt others can do so in a number of ways.
they can treat you badly. they can manipulate you. they can hit you.
and sometimes it doesn't end there.

for 2 years, mp was humiliated by how much damage she allowed the ex to do to her.
she was even more humiliated by the fact that, when the ex decided to play martyr, mp stayed mute because of some ridiculous loyalty/love bullshit.
seven months ago today, the ex did the worst thing she could think of to mp, and my person just dropped her head a little bit more and took it. she felt rage, and hurt, and frustration, and disbelief... but she took it.

yesterday, as mp drove home from class, she couldn't get the sounds and smells and sights of that afternoon out of her head.
she found herself crying and repeating "you broke me" to thin air. why?
because she had swallowed the blame and guilt rather than speak when she could be heard.

the ex taunted mp with what she had done to her. repeatedly.
the whole situation was so surreal that my person didn't know what to do.
and then, 3 weeks ago, she was assigned to help someone doing their thesis on this very topic. and as she looked over the statistics, she realized that she was not alone. she was not alone in being victimized; she was not alone in her silence.

she was not alone in the overwhelming pain and constant suffering at the memories.
when mp broke down crying yesterday, she realized that she could speak. and even though it is emabarrassing, even though it is humiliating, it is the right thing to do.

someone asked if my person's choice of cookie monster panties was some sort of weird chastity belt.
the true answer is that it is. for the last 7 months, mp has been completely celibate. she isn't even down with herself.
she can't imagine putting herself in that position again-- the thought of it makes her feel physically ill. the feeling of someone else touching her hair makes her want to cry.

mp stayed silent because she had all of these conflicting feeling. she still felt love for the person she remembered from a long time ago. she couldn't wrap her head around how someone could do something so horrible to her. she couldn't get the weight of embarrassment off of her chest. the thing is, the weight of what happened grows heavier every day. it grows fat on the anguish it causes mp, and it is smothering her alive. my person has to make a choice:
keep explaining away the actions of someone she thought loved her, or be heard to try to unburden herself of that weight.

my person has an appointment to speak tomorrow.
i know it will not be easy.
but it's a step towards getting herself back.