Starbucks, you done my person wrong.
After watching the Anaheim Ducks play an awesome game (ending with the killing of a 6-on-3 penalty) and demolish the Kings, the Chickapea and my person went for a latte and some conversation. It was foreplay, Starbucks. It was the end of a date in which my person had had the magical words, "I'm wearing something special for you under these clothes..." whispered in her ear. Everything was perfect, and they brought you into their date-- like they were inviting you to a threesome of love and goodness.
Now, my person doesn't do well, with milk, but she can handle non-fat in reasonable amounts. There's nothing better than a triple venti, non-fat, extra-hot, sugar-free gingerbread latte. When she orders, she always makes sure the words "non-fat" are spoken clearly and makes sure the "NF" and the "SF" go on the cup. This time, the "NF" went on the cup-- but 2% went in. We know it was 2%, because whole milk would have been obvious.... how do i know it wasn't non-fat you ask?
Good question, Starbucks.
Because, when someone who doesn't handle milk gets a stronger percentage of lactose than they can handle, things get... interesting. The sure thing? Yeah. So over. My person was very upfront with her Chickapea about what had happened, but there was an immediate "no sex for you!" Do you know why it's called 2% milk, Starbucks? Because that's about how much of the air under the covers is oxygen after my person drinks it. Were you trying to kill me? Was it a plot to eliminate a small doggy with a big voice? You failed! I'm alive, though mildly brain damaged after last night.
Please, Starbucks, don't do us like that.
When someone writes letters on the cup, assume that they are not just preferences, but necessary for reasons like allergies, dietary restrictions, and the desire to get laid. Please, Starbucks, I beg you! The Chickapea went out of town for business today, and after last night, my person's going to be a real bitch. I'm sorry to go around my person to address this catastrophe with you; after all, she still loves you like a girl who's never been hurt. Show us the love. Don't do us wrong again.
Sincerely,
mizz lilly
