my person spent some time downloading editing software and figuring out how to make her own ringtones.
i asked, "wouldn't it be easier just to download them?"
she told me that they charged $3 plus the tranfer fee. and if she had to pay that, then she was going to cut back on my greenies.
what a cheapass bastard. i sleep with her. i console her. i play with her. i love her.
and what do i get? my treats traded in for a damn shakira ringtone? i do not think so.
anyway, after i crapped on her pillow to make my feelings known, i helped her figure out how to make wonderful mp3s into short ringtones an bluetooth them to the damn phone. really, it was better this way, because the coldplay thing was getting old.
and, no, i did not really take a crap on her pillow. i have class.
it's also where i sleep.
but i wouldn't suggest borrowing her shoes...
Friday, June 30, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
From "Home Away from Homer"
Bart Simpson: Look at me, i'm a grad student. I'm 30 years old, and i made $600 last year.
Marge Simpson: Bart! Don't make fun of grad students; they just made a terrible life choice.
Marge Simpson: Bart! Don't make fun of grad students; they just made a terrible life choice.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Keep Your Head UP
my person told me something today.
she told me that we always have to keep our heads up,
because, if we don't, how will we see opportunity heading towards us?
she told me that we always have to keep our heads up,
because, if we don't, how will we see opportunity heading towards us?
Friday, June 23, 2006
A Note From Our Sponser
thanks for the support... all of you.
this is probably the most painful time of my life. i know i am using mf as an additional coping mechanism, but i think it's better than just using bad foods or alcohol. to be honest, the reason i haven't been drinking (and god knows i have reason to drink) is mf. i feel like if i can heal my heart, and spirit, and body -- all at the same time -- i might actually manage to walk away from this period.
i know it puts too much importance on certain areas, but i really do not know how else to cope. i worry about so much. i am conflcted about so much. sometimes micro-managing my weight allows me to feel like i do have some control.
yeah, i'll deal with that eating disorder when i get to it. because, really, i wouldn't be here if i didn't have one.
i realize that i still look in the mirror and see the 400lb woman that i was 3 years ago. all of my pants fall off of me, but i cannot buy new ones yet. the thought of making a size final has too many implications right now. i'll wait, hopefully skip a size, and then buy a couple of pairs and hope to need to go shopping again soon.
but the body dismorphia is incredible.
ok, enough of that. i return you to your regular programming.
this is probably the most painful time of my life. i know i am using mf as an additional coping mechanism, but i think it's better than just using bad foods or alcohol. to be honest, the reason i haven't been drinking (and god knows i have reason to drink) is mf. i feel like if i can heal my heart, and spirit, and body -- all at the same time -- i might actually manage to walk away from this period.
i know it puts too much importance on certain areas, but i really do not know how else to cope. i worry about so much. i am conflcted about so much. sometimes micro-managing my weight allows me to feel like i do have some control.
yeah, i'll deal with that eating disorder when i get to it. because, really, i wouldn't be here if i didn't have one.
i realize that i still look in the mirror and see the 400lb woman that i was 3 years ago. all of my pants fall off of me, but i cannot buy new ones yet. the thought of making a size final has too many implications right now. i'll wait, hopefully skip a size, and then buy a couple of pairs and hope to need to go shopping again soon.
but the body dismorphia is incredible.
ok, enough of that. i return you to your regular programming.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Give It a Try
Go ahead and read this:
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
yeah. you think that is amazing? i'm a dog maintaining a blog. sheesh.
now stop being so damn easily amused.
and get your nose away from there!
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
yeah. you think that is amazing? i'm a dog maintaining a blog. sheesh.
now stop being so damn easily amused.
and get your nose away from there!
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Crazy Good
it's amazing how things have turned around for my person. every day, something even better happens.
it's been crazy good!
maybe karma does work.
No Mas, Ike
so, i've been thinking. there are a lot of things my person can do single that she would never have been able to do as part of a couple. mf is one of them. she changed her eating habits to support the ex when she had a gastric bypass, but good ol' ike would not have been supportive of her doing this. oh, ike would have SAID she was, but then she would have brought home junk food. i know, because it's what she did before. my person would ask her not to, and ike would say ok; the next day it was back.
looking back, i have to wonder if she was intentionally sabotaging my person's efforts. it doesn't make sense since ike is a size 4 now.... but after my person began to obviously look like she'd dropped a person off her butt, ike began really derailing those efforts.
the breakup still hurts my person on some levels (on some occassions). but maybe it happened because it was the only real shot my favorite person would get at helping HERSELF. she always did everything for everyone else. maybe this happened so that she could meet her own needs for a change. i guess that makes it so much more important for her to succeed. we paid dearly for this chance. we won't mess it up.
400/300/282/160
looking back, i have to wonder if she was intentionally sabotaging my person's efforts. it doesn't make sense since ike is a size 4 now.... but after my person began to obviously look like she'd dropped a person off her butt, ike began really derailing those efforts.
the breakup still hurts my person on some levels (on some occassions). but maybe it happened because it was the only real shot my favorite person would get at helping HERSELF. she always did everything for everyone else. maybe this happened so that she could meet her own needs for a change. i guess that makes it so much more important for her to succeed. we paid dearly for this chance. we won't mess it up.
400/300/282/160
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Ahem
mrrrow wrow aaar.
rrrr rrrr mmmgrrr
ouo ouo ouooouuuoooooooooo.
ggggrrrrrrrrrrr. gggggrrrrrrrrr. grr.
ruf. ruf. ruf.
yip yipyip. snnnnnnnuuuuuuuuuufffffffffff.
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrowr.
rrrr rrrr mmmgrrr
ouo ouo ouooouuuoooooooooo.
ggggrrrrrrrrrrr. gggggrrrrrrrrr. grr.
ruf. ruf. ruf.
yip yipyip. snnnnnnnuuuuuuuuuufffffffffff.
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrowr.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
The Balance of Shit is Shifting
you know, it's funny.
my person was talking to a friend yeterday, and she commented that she seems really happy.
then she went to her therapist today (yes, she does that), and SHE said my person seems really happy.
i thought about it...
and you know what?
my person IS really happy.
she has her smile back these days.
some of the days ahead may be hard, but i'm sure others will be even better.
my person was talking to a friend yeterday, and she commented that she seems really happy.
then she went to her therapist today (yes, she does that), and SHE said my person seems really happy.
i thought about it...
and you know what?
my person IS really happy.
she has her smile back these days.
some of the days ahead may be hard, but i'm sure others will be even better.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Change is Good
If you believe in peace, act peacefully; if you believe in love, acting lovingly; if you believe every which way, then act every which way, that's perfectly valid— but don't go out trying to sell your beliefs to the system. You end up contradicting what you profess to believe in, and you set a bum example. If you want to change the world, change yourself.
- Tom Robbins, "Still Life With Woodpecker"
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
- Anais Nin
Bigamy is having one wife too many; monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. "Which road do I take?" she asked. "Where do you want to go?" was his response. "I don't know," Alice answered. "Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll
We are what we repeatedly do.
- Aristotle
- Tom Robbins, "Still Life With Woodpecker"
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
- Anais Nin
Bigamy is having one wife too many; monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. "Which road do I take?" she asked. "Where do you want to go?" was his response. "I don't know," Alice answered. "Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll
We are what we repeatedly do.
- Aristotle
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Some Shit Shouldn't Happen...
the ice cream truck that comes by here has an... interesting... selection in music.
you light up my life
rythmn of the falling rain
send in the clowns
music box dancer
oh, susannah
...and more!
all in calliope.
oh, the horror.
you light up my life
rythmn of the falling rain
send in the clowns
music box dancer
oh, susannah
...and more!
all in calliope.
oh, the horror.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Not So Much
my person has to lose half of herself and find the whole.
it seems surreal sometimes. one reality has been subverted and the absence of a new reality is startling.
when i was but a young pup, i used to wonder how being in limbo could be such a bad thing. hurry up and wait is really not all that tasking. after all, caltrans workers have made it a way of life. now i know better. it is purgatory.
the wait is forever.
it seems surreal sometimes. one reality has been subverted and the absence of a new reality is startling.
when i was but a young pup, i used to wonder how being in limbo could be such a bad thing. hurry up and wait is really not all that tasking. after all, caltrans workers have made it a way of life. now i know better. it is purgatory.
the wait is forever.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Get Your Bush Here
since my person isn't getting any bush, i have decided to provide some inspiration...
bushisms!
"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."
... yeah, they do it in cartoons every day.
"We ought to make the pie higher."
...kinda like the pies from those national guard days.
"I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can't answer your question."
...paws off this one.
"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."
...enough numbers to have to remove the socks?
"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."
...ah, that's better. no numbers this time.
"I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep on the soil of a friend."
...ouch. kinda makes the lincoln bedroom thing look mild.
bushisms!
"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."
... yeah, they do it in cartoons every day.
"We ought to make the pie higher."
...kinda like the pies from those national guard days.
"I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can't answer your question."
...paws off this one.
"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."
...enough numbers to have to remove the socks?
"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."
...ah, that's better. no numbers this time.
"I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep on the soil of a friend."
...ouch. kinda makes the lincoln bedroom thing look mild.
Hot, Hot, Haute Dog
i must say, life is full of challenges. getting the lid off the pickle jar with no thumbs, messy breakups, procrastination issues.
my person has procrastination issues.
i always remind my person that procrastination is like masturbation.
it feels good, but in the end you're only fucking yourself.
right now, her life is a big game of hurry up and wait.
we lounge in this heat, and sometimes she tells me we are like a couple of veal.
in reality, though, these changes take time. only time.
my person is great. if she wasn't, i wuld tell her, cause i have style, baby, and i cannot be around the bland.
ok, ok, i would stick with her no matter what...
today, she tried on a pair of pants that are 10+ sizes smaller than the ones she wore 3 years ago. they fit. i wagge my tail, she wagged her tail... there was a lot of ass wiggling going on.
we are going to get through this.
we are going to do this.
we are going to be fit, and lean, and stable. we are going to dance (probably together for a while, but that's not new). we are going to dive. we are going to sail. we are going to do anything we damn well want.
my person is eventually going to start writing the way she should have been all along. her thesis. her ficton. her passion. her physical transformation is an everyday process that requires constant awareness. it's not always easy.
but we're gonna hurry up and weight.
my person has procrastination issues.
i always remind my person that procrastination is like masturbation.
it feels good, but in the end you're only fucking yourself.
right now, her life is a big game of hurry up and wait.
we lounge in this heat, and sometimes she tells me we are like a couple of veal.
in reality, though, these changes take time. only time.
my person is great. if she wasn't, i wuld tell her, cause i have style, baby, and i cannot be around the bland.
ok, ok, i would stick with her no matter what...
today, she tried on a pair of pants that are 10+ sizes smaller than the ones she wore 3 years ago. they fit. i wagge my tail, she wagged her tail... there was a lot of ass wiggling going on.
we are going to get through this.
we are going to do this.
we are going to be fit, and lean, and stable. we are going to dance (probably together for a while, but that's not new). we are going to dive. we are going to sail. we are going to do anything we damn well want.
my person is eventually going to start writing the way she should have been all along. her thesis. her ficton. her passion. her physical transformation is an everyday process that requires constant awareness. it's not always easy.
but we're gonna hurry up and weight.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Squirrel Friends
I miss my squirrel friends. every spring, they would return to the giant tree in the neighbour's back yard and we would taunt each other, and run, and stare, and just have a great summer of games. there are no squirrel friends here.
now, don't get me wrong. i'm not saying that i want to go back to live with the squirrels, because i do not like sleeping outside. i hate eating fruit seeds. one of those suckers bit me last year-- and if i see him, i'm gonna open up a can o' whoopass on him. but i do miss the giant fat aquirrel that must have been 10 years old. i miss all the babies that would make chitter-squeak noises. i miss the one that would race along the top of the wall while i ran on the ground-- back and forth for hours.
i miss you all.
in your honor, i looked up my squirrel name. it is...
Chief Drunkenpaws
my person's quirrel name is...
President McBush
both are oddly appropriate.
now, don't get me wrong. i'm not saying that i want to go back to live with the squirrels, because i do not like sleeping outside. i hate eating fruit seeds. one of those suckers bit me last year-- and if i see him, i'm gonna open up a can o' whoopass on him. but i do miss the giant fat aquirrel that must have been 10 years old. i miss all the babies that would make chitter-squeak noises. i miss the one that would race along the top of the wall while i ran on the ground-- back and forth for hours.
i miss you all.
in your honor, i looked up my squirrel name. it is...
Chief Drunkenpaws
my person's quirrel name is...
President McBush
both are oddly appropriate.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
I Don't Want to Deal with...
yeah.
there's a lot of things i don't want to deal with.
getting vaccinated. license renewal. putting frontline on. accounting for the wet spot in the bathroom. the empty plate that was full when my person went to answer the phone. but if i didn't, there would be consequences.
life can be a drag.
the consequences we set ourselves up for can be a million times worse--
especially when we do (or don't do) stuff just to be difficult.
what's more difficult--
being decent or being shallow and petty?
i guess it just depends on what litter you came from.
there's a lot of things i don't want to deal with.
getting vaccinated. license renewal. putting frontline on. accounting for the wet spot in the bathroom. the empty plate that was full when my person went to answer the phone. but if i didn't, there would be consequences.
life can be a drag.
the consequences we set ourselves up for can be a million times worse--
especially when we do (or don't do) stuff just to be difficult.
what's more difficult--
being decent or being shallow and petty?
i guess it just depends on what litter you came from.
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