To Charlie Brown Tree, or Not to Charlie Brown Tree

It's a tough call. The good news is the places in our area deliver.

The bad news is pine needles hurt a pup's tushie.

Damn You!

I'm so pissed at Porto's! Opening a bakery in Downey is like putting a crack shop on the corner.

Teach My Homo to Cook (Part 1)

Firegirl is an awesome cook. Really. She's chef quality (most firemen are), and she makes me little puppy-safe snacks. But she is not teaching MP to cook anymore-- at least not until we buy a new range. She said something about the discharge from the fire extinguisher being bad for the finish of her kickass Wolf range. MP said stainless wipes off easy...

Yeah, we had In-N-Out that night.

The Pea is also a good cook, but she specializes in salads (really amazing and different kinds), chicken, and vegetable-based dishes. Damn her and her healthy food!

Anyway, we need a new victim, uh... volunteer... to teach my homo to cook! We'll pay you in kisses (we're both pretty solid in that department) and the occasional new fire extinguisher. Who could pass up an offer like that?

How Was Thanksgiving?

A dog. A frozen turkey. A hardwood floor. Do the math.

Ahem

Fire Girl said to retract that last post. She said hot homo lovin' is icky and weird, and she only does it because it's part of her charity work.

Better? Good. We'll see you at 8.

Okay, I'm Going to Walk Away Now...

MP was talking to Tech Boy. After they started wandering to the parking lot together, Tech Boy and MP discussed women, life, marriage, sex, and sexiness. MP confessed that women come easy these days-- to the point that it's almost ridiculous. They text; they call; they seduce; they protect; they comfort; they cajole; they are passionate... and they are often out of my person's league. She doesn't always get it-- and occasionally, neither do I.

"...and you want to know why?" he asked her. "You want to know why women like you so much? I can tell you why. Whenever I see you, I think to myself, 'She's just stunning.' You just make me smile by walking in the room."

Insert awkward pause here.

Tech Boy: Uhmm. Okay, now you're blushing. And I'm blushing. Can we go back in time?

MP: One girl (Fire Girl) said she loves making love with me because it's like having a pet tiger.

Tech Boy: That's... That's perfect. That's the best I could explain it. And it would have saved the awkward thing.

Then Mossad came over and saved them by wrapping herself around MP.

And the cycle continues.

MP Wishes She Could Speak Bulgarian

The Finn came back from Helsinki to defend her PhD dissertation (successfully). While she was back, she came over from some coffee and to annoy the crap out of me. MP seems to like it, though... and I guess I have to give the girl a bone. Or let her get a bone. Or whatever. Anyway, they were watching the end of Survivor, and the Finn said that she couldn't understand American "reality" tv. After MP made jokes about speaking English, the Finn explained that in Europe, reality tv is filled with hot people doing... interesting things-- other than running through mud or talking trash. She showed us an example. And I didn't get to sleep at all that night.

MP says this clip is one of the hottest things she has ever seen-- and that it once again proves that porn is shit, but real sex with women is amazing. Click here for the link. I didn't embed because this is 100% NSFW. The audio is what makes this-- especially at the end. The chicks from the Germany BB weren't too bad, either, but that's a whole different post.

Poppin' Time!

The trade off for living on the beach is limited yard. I trained my person well, but I still have to walk her 4 times a day. Once it starts raining, things get a little weird. There's whining, and growling, and dragging of paws-- but I love her, so I hand her my leash and tell her to put on her big-homo panties. Last winter, she got me an awesome jacket, and I loves it! I pop my collar and strut. Last week, when we went out in the fog, she let me wear it, but she kept trying to fold the collar down. I know what's good, so I shook it back up. This battle went on for about 4 blocks, until MP finally sighed and said, "Puppy, you look like a doggy douchebag."


I prefer to call it frat-pup chic.

An Open Letter to Starbucks:

Ahem...

Starbucks, we are breaking up.

I recently posted a non-inflammatory comment about the recent increase in the prices on your Facebook page, and I was censored. Then I posted a comment asking why a completely appropriate and not at all profane comment would be deleted.

It was also removed.

Since Starbucks apparently wants my money but doesn't want to have to take my feelings into account, listen to my needs, or treat me with respect, it's time for me to move on.

Frankly, if I wanted to be treated that way, I'd get married.

Good day.

Dream Rabbit

... You're going down.

Next Stop

Tobacco Caye

Awkward Voicemail (Part 1)

"Hello, I'm _____'s mom. She told me she's going out with you Saturday night. Can you please make sure she's at my house, ready for church by 930am, Sunday? I feel it's especially important for her to make mass after this experience."

Wow.

Something, Something, and Sinker

She walked over to MP and said, "Less than two percent of the world's population has green eyes. I'd like to take you home and study you."

If there's a way to reverse that so MP has a new line, it'll happen.

Since Nobody Else Is Saying It...

Seriously? I don't know if this is a logo or a warning... but I'm totally not drinking any white liquid from that.

Indie Jonesin'

MP is really missing Indie 103.1. Maybe Jonesy's Jukebox works on KROQ, but we doubt it. Either way, Sunday nights will be a lot more _____________

See what we mean?

Blow Out the Fire

A few people have asked what I want for my birthday. It's simple (and cheap): If you are LGBT, tell your story for the It Gets Better Project. I remember what it felt like growing up, and sometimes I don't know how I kept breathing through it. Then I see some of you on my friends page, and I realize it's because I had you there to love me. So share that love-- because I'm here celebrating my 35th birthday thanks to people who were there to hold my hand and tell me "it gets better."

"...And all at once you look across a crowded room / To see the way that light attaches to a girl"

RockStar Weekend Awaits!

MP promises that I'll be getting some fun time, too, but as the countdown to rockstar weekend begins, I'm a little worried.

Closer...

To the Outhouse, Jethro!

The bathroom is almost done! The last coat of mudding goes on Tuesday, then we have the weekend to seal, prime and paint before Motown Phil comes over and gets down with our pipes. I'm very excited about sleeping in our bed again.