Funniest. Shit. Ever.

My person reenacted this for a Starbucks in our old hood yesterday and got free coffee for her and the Pea. You may have seen it before, but if not-- it's so worth it. The following is from the treasure trove that is www.27bslash6.com/missy.html If you haven't gone there to waste away the hours you are supposed to be working, then what the hell have you been doing with your life?Anyway, normally, I would just link to this, but it's far too important to risk having it go unclicked.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.



This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?"
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a wet brown stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.
Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.
I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.



From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say lost.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,
I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.
I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David.



From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.
I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww



From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm

To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww



From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

Redemption (Sort of)

It's okay to like Twilight if you are 12... maybe 15 if nobody wants to kiss you, so you sneak off to "practice" with your slow cousin. But grown ass women digging this movie just creeps me out. First: the books are terrible. Really. Many little girls actually protested how lousy the last one in particular was and returned their books for a refund in a very smart act of protest against giving money to ______. Why do I write ______? Well, research her social values and that will become clear. No easy hits on this blog. Anyway, the movies (against the cosmic odds) are even worse. And Kristen Stewart is apparently competing for the Golden Douchie with such wonderful talents as clicking her tongue every three words (both in and out of movies), not realizing that she doesn't qualify for "assassination" (really, if someone goes there, it's at best a mercy killing), and coming across like a royal biatch on Letterman. You don't know what a "woof" is? Remember high school?

Alas, there is some redeeming value coming to the Twilight thing. The interactive 8-bit video! When it's time to choose your action, click on it, and the continuation video will open up in a new window. Trust me, it's way better than the movie and probably has higher production values.



As always, remember:

Hot, Hot, Puckin'

Hello, Summer! We just chose Ducks tickets for next year. This time I have two pairs of aisle seats (four piggybacked) in the terrace, rows K & L in the offensive zone, facing the benches. If you're interested in taking a game or two, send me a private message and we'll work something out.

A Long Time Ago, We Thought So, Too

Watch CBS News Videos Online

A Castle Fit for a Pup

MP and I put down the deposit on our custom kitchen cabinets today! Sweet! We're going white shaker with a double beaded panel, wood floors, stainless appliances (most already in), and either a recycled glass counter top or stainless steel back splash. It is going to be awesome! I'm so excited that my kibble will be coming from a beautiful pull-out pantry. Puppies deserve luxury-- and I am a very luxurious pup.

Since MP and I will be crashing with (ahem) friends during the install, we're going to have the bathroom redone at the same time.

After that, it's par-tay time!

It's a Draft Day Miracle!

Cam Fowler at #12... and now...

Emerson Etem at #29. Seriously! Number 29! He's a pure goal scorer with excellent speed. He's from the LBC!



Light it up, baby! We'll be waiting for you.

Oh My God Oh My God Oh My God

The idiots! The fools! The Ducks had the 12th pick in the NHL entry draft, and they snagged... Cam Fowler! Cam-Fucking-Fowler was passed over 11 times before the Ducks grabbed him. Who? What? That kid should have gone in the first five-- most people ranked him #3 overall...

I would like to thank the brain dead GMs and the people who say he isn't "physical" enough. Here's what we love:

Gooooooaaaaaaaaal! (Now Go Home!)

USA advances in the World Cup! Amazing game, great fun, now I would really like these bastards to get out of my house so I can go back to sleep. When will MP learn that 6am knocks are not to be answered? I don't care if the people have beer-- although the puppy treats were very thoughtful. We drank, we cheered, now we sleep!

Ahem! We sleep...!

Huh. Apparently, these people don't read my blog, because one of them is stating to make some noise in the kitchen. I smell eggs. I like eggs. Okay, you guys can stay.

1234 Get Your Woman on the Floor

The Pea says MP is a better dancer than most. I sniffed my tail for hitchhikers-- cause something wasn't right-- and said, "You mean better than you would think?" But the Pea insists that MP is a good dancer. I don't see it. I mean... I see it. I see it all over the damn place because MP doesn't have enough dignity to keep her booty shaking confined to the house or the club. Hell no. Bitch embarrasses me everywhere we go. She stood up and shook that thing on a bench at the pier; she stopped traffic by dancing down the middle of 2nd St; she bounced that booty down the rows at the street fair. Jesus, it's like living with a chick with Dancin' Tourette's.

Now that she's out of the cast and in a boot, she's perfected the crutch dance. It's like having a stripper pole around at all times.

I may never be able to show my face at the dog park again...

Everything Is Better with a Pinata

Now. I'm off to poop a papier mache sculpture of me surfing the big waves at my bathtub.

Huh, Huh, Uh... What?

Firegirl says MP has "way more reggae cds than anybody with a real job has a right to." True dat. But, in all fairness, she also has the entire collection of School House Rocks and at least three Sesame Street albums. Oh, Rubber Ducky, you are the one.

Come over for World Cup action this weekend if you're in the area. USA vs England starts at 11:30am, Saturday! If you need directions, toss an email to my FB. (Don't bother with MP's; she's a lousy host).

What Up, LB?

Thanks for another beautiful day at the beach! Sure, some may dis the marine layer, but they're not chilling in 72 degree afternoons. It's time for my puppy tanning session. MP says it makes me smell like corn chips, but I think she's just jealous that I can pull off the fuzzy butt look, and she can't.

The Wizard Was Not Just a Man

"Make a decision. Failure to act is often the biggest failure of all."
-- John Wooden  

He wasn't just about basketball or UCLA. We loved him because he was the layperson's philosopher: humble and focused finding the best in all of us, rather than wailing on the imperfections we  share. 

They Got You, Too!?

A few years ago, I tore my cruciate ligament. MP loved me so much that she paid for me to have a TPLO surgery at the best place around. I looked like this:

When MP came home from the orthopedic surgeon last Monday, I couldn't believe my eyes. They got her, too!


The swelling has gone down quite a bit, so her cast is more like a giant sock right now. But watch out for those aliens-- they're stealing legs and replacing them with pink fiberglass.

Oh, iTunes, You're an Expensive Mistress

But, seriously, American Express must love you as much as we do.

Sweet, Lovely, and Amazing

it's one of our favorites.

The Essential Question

Where's My Tool Belt?

the great kitchen remodel gets under way friday. i'm pretty excited because mp promised to give me a whole shelf for my kibble and cookies. we're going for a pull-out pantry, and some sweet corner cabinets with pull-out drawers and built-in lazy susans. even better? mp is paying for it, so i don't have to bust out the fishnets like i did when we had crown moulding installed.

"Life Goes Easy On Me..."

Most of the Time.

My Boyfriend is Ever So Dreamy

his name? it's george. george glass!

3 Years, 3 Weeks, and 3 Days Later

MP: So. I was thinking... maybe you could leave more than a toothbrush here... if you want.

PEA: You mean something fancy? Hairbrush and deodorant, too?

MP: Maybe even panties and a shirt. No pants, though. That's moving too fast.

Please, Oh Please...

Let this replace American Idol.

Fuck You, Mice!

i will have you. i will eat you!

every night, when mp goes to bed, i keep watch to ensure you stay hidden, sucking the poison that will eradicate your very souls! okay, i'm a dramatic puppy. it's the chihuahua in me. but seriously: suck it, mice. by the time mp gets up, i'm so tired that all i can do is walk over to her, kiss her hello, and then flop onto my bed-- snoring.

mp says it's the price we pay for living between wetlands, the ocean, and a bay... but i still want you dead.

HaHaHaHaHaHa

the pea says we should feel bad for boyle. i say, "suck it, sharks!"

Secrets and Thighs

No matter what a girls says she'll do to you in exchange, watching New Moon is not worth it. It'll make anything done after feel dirty and meaningless because you sacrificed your soul and 120 minutes of your life to get it. And what the hell are you doing with the kind of girl that wants to see it, anyway? Oh. She's really hot? Well, just make sure the shutters are closed so the neighbors don't judge you.

Love

every morning, when i wake up, i give mp a kiss. she may say, "oh, puppy, that's way too much tongue" and "aaah! puppy slobber in my eye!" but i know she really likes it.

every single day, when mp gets home, she pays attention to me first. it doesn't matter what she's carrying, if she has company, if she has to pee really bad... every time we see each other after we've been apart, she loves on me and tells me i'm the most wonderful puppy in the world (obviously, this is because i am).

at night, when it's time for bed, mp calls me to our room. if i'm too tired to get off the couch and crawl under the covers with her, she picks me up gently and carries me.

we love each other.

June

Everybody Makes Mistakes

i've been having some tummy issues... i eated lots of grass and pooped a few sculptures before nana went out... but...

mp found it when she came to pick me up after work. i was so embarrassed that i couldn't look her in the face. oh, the indignity. the sheer horror of having to admit the smelly things came from me. but mp said, "it's okay, puppy. everybody makes mistakes." a few handfuls of toilet paper, several flushes, and a bit of air fresheners later, and the evidence was gone. and then, she cuddled me in her lap and explained that she knows i'm a good girl that would never do something bad if there was any way around it. then, she showed me this:



ironically, she heard about this video on kevin & bean the morning of my terrible accident.
everybody makes mistakes, indeed.

Slower, Sweeter, and Dirtier

What no Kiss?!

US hockey has had it's way with Kips 4 times in 10 minutes. I hope we at least have the manners to call him in the morning and thank him for a good time.

Say Fleas!

mp asked me what i was dreaming about to make me smile like that. i told her i was thinking about our last trip to the park...
but i was really thinking about the lab down the street.

It's Time, It's Time, It's Time!

US v Canada starts in 3 minutes! and to get you in the mood... SHRIMP FRIED RICE!

My Super Power

i can sleep anywhere.

Guilty Pleasures #2

...oh, for so many reasons.



we're laughing with you.

Wednesday Swing Time!

yeah, it's a little early, but mp and i just got back from dancing on the bluff... and we feel goooood!

Dirty, Crazy Fun

CHP: has your life just been one g-damn party for the last four years?
MP: yes, yes, it has.
CHP: so... you do all the ridiculous crap you do...
MP: ...and have a career, a beach house, money, and filthy sex. right.
CHP: I fucking hate you.
MP: but wait! I have a registered offender stalking me. that's not good. it's why you're bringing me oc spray, remember?
CHP: I'm about to use the spray on you.
MP: just leave your extra set of cuffs; the pea's coming over later.

All Play and No Work...

makes me a happy pup.

I Blame it on Kevin and Bean

there are places to report child porn.
why aren't there places to report fucking disgusting?

Sunshine

I Snore Like a Friggin Teamster

but my person loves me anyway.

Go Ducks!

the wins aren't always pretty, but we're getting some points. last night, the entire honda center was on its feet until the last second. for the record, mp made the pea walk in the rain both ways... but gave her our umbrella, so my person sat, soaking wet and freezing the whole game. lucky for us, the pea knows how to make it all better.

this is chipchura in the first period. he's been playing solid and knows how to stand up for the team. don't let all the blood fool you-- he won this bout.

Inconceivable

i still can't believe all the amazing footage that was deleted from the theatrical release of HP 5, but this omission is egregious...

Guilty Pleasures #1

oh, i'm a dirty, dirty pup... but i got no shame.

Rubber Soul

it's always been one of our favorite albums... album... the whole concept thing. too many people forget to connect the dots in great music, but this short, sweet, sad album makes it impossible to listen without wistful melancholy. and absolute joy.

merry christmas.

"There are places I remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more."

If You Forget Me

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

-- Pablo Neruda

Uh... Oh... I, Uh...

i don't know which horrifies me more-- that firegirl has this cd... or that she got mp to sing the harmony part with her while they made tamales.



and for more amusement, here are more songs mp knew the words to:





although i admit i like the last one...

When You Know What Matters...

shiny things don't turn your head. after all, women don't care if you're beautiful; they care that they feel beautiful when they're with you.

Best Four Minutes of Any Movie

we love this because... well, you know why. don't you?

One of Our Favorites

it says a lot when a song is almost impossible to fuck up.

The Crazy Always Comes Out

congratulations to elizabeth lambert for becoming the youtube video people cringe at more than the one with the MMA player's compound fracture flapping in the wind. i'm sure her parents are proud.

Say it Ain't So

my person knew her priorities were skewed when she compared unwrapping Uncharted 2 and starting the multiplayer for the first time to sliding a hot girls panties down her thighs after chasing her for a year. but... oh, yeah. it was that good. it's been two weeks since we finished the game, and pressing drake's buttons still excites us.

the pea is flying back in tonight, and supergirl and shay-zam! will be keeping mp busy on saturday... but this afternoon will be filled with online goodness.

Wolf Like ME

oh, TV on the Radio, you deserve to be revered.

Killing Moon Time!

One Bad Date and a Compliment

that's how close shay-zam says my person is to closing the deal.

Shay-Zam

if she had a gay bone in her body, it would be my person's.
they would be married with 6 kids by now.
fucking hetero genes!

Another Beautiful Day at the Beach

my person is chillin' with me, the sky is blue, the ocean breeze is fluttering through our windows, and i can hear the honk of the ships floating into the harbor. the pea lives three blocks one way; pimptress lives four blocks in the other. when we have our shutters open, the entire world is ours to view. at night, we close the bottom half, but leave open the top, and we have a cozy, private home.

this is our life.

how the heck did we ever get so lucky?

Neglected but Lovely

...And to Love You

Bring That Deliciousness Closer!

it was 111 at some point in our travels today.



and all we could think about were delicious trader joe's fruit floes, the fact that the pea will be landing back in town tonight, and the tasty delights that could happen if we put those two things together....

It's Almost Christmas!

well, it's almost time for our season tickets to arrive. this year, we have upgraded and four-- oh, yeah, four-- seats belong to us all season. that's a lotta dates, yo. if you wanna go to a game or two, let mp know. we're planning on dragging the pimptress, the pea, superman, bubba, and bruinista to as many face-offs as they can take.

Like a Book

unlike tony, it's working again.

Antonio Villaraigosa: "Like a Mayor" - watch more funny videos

Summa Summa Summa-time!

mp's break is almost over, but in a week we go tenure-track, baby! no more flying down freeways; no more praying for gigs; no more late nights followed by early mornings. (well... not for work, anyway.) mp gets a chance to study her craft, develop more effective methods, and have a fucking blast with the best coworkers around.

in the meantime, i'm helping her enjoy the beach pad to the fullest. today, we walked down to the water and played a little living room bowl-a-thon-- followed by people watching and an afternoon nap.



tomorrow, mp is patching the plaster in our walk-in closet so she can paint it and install the new closet organizers this weekend.

When One Fire Extinguisher Isn't Enough

we got our cookware today. stainless steel, copper bottoms, glass lids... beautiful. i can't wait or mp to burn our first dinner in it.

a preview of things to come:

Like a Book

the following is not really suitable for work... unless you're tony.

Antonio Villaraigosa: "Like a Mayor" - watch more funny videos

Strike! Strike! Strike!

mp took the chickapea to sevilla's for birthday tapas and a pitcher of sangria.



there was delicious food, great live music, and a view.



the tramp had the audacity to stumble back home the day next around 2pm.

where are my tapas? where is my delicious chicken ajillo? where's my wine-soaked orange?

here's a better question, mp: where are your favorite shoes? huh? think you'll be seeing those again any time soon? oh, that's right. now, look in the closet. i left a sup-pr-eyes for you. i hope you wished for poopy this year, because i'm on strike and my puppy manners are going with me if you think you'll be leaving me home with nana the next time you go out carousing. we roll together, or i slap the training wheels back on you, biatch!

anyway.

cafe sevilla has really turned itself around from the lousy, obnoxious place that first opened in the lb. now, the service is courteous, management takes concerted measures to make sure everyone is happy, and the music is no longer sub-par. the food was exceptionally good and the wine a perfect balance of sweet and strong. even better for us, we can walk there (and back), so my buzzed mp can serenade everyone on the way. those tourists were very impressed with her "i'm crossing the street" dance.

Norm(al)! Again

mp hit the road & gym for the fist time since the great mononucleosis caper ended. it was like walking into the neighborhood bar, but (you know) with machines and sweaty people. the same people that we used to see every morning were tossing out the welcome backs and high fives all morning. now, we feel great-- withe exception of triceps that will be feelin' it tomorrow.

Magnificent Mandarin and the Nappybear Express

the sofa co didn't know what hit them when i came in...

any puppy of discriminating taste and high luxury must try every sofa. just because i leave a little drool doesn't mean they gotta hate.

Start a Revolution

it's time to open your eyes. the slaughterhouse door is open, and the saws are being legislated as you sleep.

Countdown to Gomez

5 days

Stay Outta My Kishen

we're going to look for new cabinets in the morning.

hopefully, we'll be more successful than mp was at finding her pants last night.

Hello, Ruby

i finally wore mp down, so she took me to costco and let me pick out a tv. i tried to sneak out with the 55", but she talked me down off that ledge. as soon as we got home, i started whining about cable. oh, yeah. i did it. after almost a year, mp finally broke down and got cable and a 40" flat screen for the beach pad. now, if i can just get her to buy me that mini cooper i have my eye on...

Best GIG Ever

the "grass is greener" syndrome left us covered in crap... and that fertilizer stuck (and stunk) for a while, but now our side of the fence is freakin' lush, secure, and greener than a leprechaun's thong, baby!

i can't believe how magic this year was. mp pulled off the impossible, and now we're on the cusp of absolute security and stability-- doing the best job in the world. tenure is a beautiful thing.

here's to three years of joy, passion, advancement, friendship, maturity, fulfillment, and adventure.

Our First Appliance

we decided to go white or natural maple when we get new cabinets and put in stainless steel appliances. here's thor, our new refrigerator. he came with a lot of shelves that needed to be unpacked, but now he's a shiny chillin' machine. he's also great with the ladies that decide they need to check themselves out as they walk by. that's right; you know you want to touch it.

Seriously Phallic 6

the first set of pictures would take a long time to explain... but homework for another class should never take place in ours. unless, of course, it's this damn funny.







this rust stain was in front of the building mp was in this summer. she giggled every time she walked past it. one would think my person would get over it... but, nope. still funny.

Jojo and Jimmy Got Married!!!

I can't wait to tell their babies how mommy met daddy. Hopefully, they'll start working on those soon. Besides Vic, I mean...

The Bedroom Pt 2

It's getting there. The bookcase and chair add a lot to the room.

This week, mp will rip out the walk-in closet, paint it chocolate, and install our new built-ins. I can't believe this is the same room.

The Things She Does to Get Laid

mp took the chickapea to the coldplay concert last night. say what you want about the band (and, uh, after last night i won't be saying much...), those coldplay fans are intense. that crowd had the most energy that we've seen at a show in at least a decade. this, of course, took away attention from chris martin's vocals, and that was a very good thing indeed.

Nooo!

my sammy went to the 'jackets. that must be why my whiskers feel so wet and cold.

Phallacies - High Five!

so, mp and i were driving home when this big work truck cut us off.



i started to get my whiskers in a knot about it, but mp started laughing so hard that other drivers were staring. i looked a little closer...



even the sun thought this guy was a dick.

Best Seats in the House

the anaheim ducks select-a-seat was today, and we upgraded! now, we have four-- oh, yeah, four-- seats in a better spot, about half way closer to the ice. life is sweet!

the best seats in the house? our seats.

"Do I Dare Disturb the Universe?"

the crazy month is over.
we are still adjunct.
kuny has a cup.
summer session is a blast.
in four weeks, we'll begin spending two months chilling at the beach.
...and it's all good.

"do i dare to eat a peach?"
sweet, soft, and messy?

bring it.

...and Then There Were Six

welcome to equality, new hampshire.

Well, Shake Me Like A Monkey

Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King is a lovely farewell.

Thanks, Governator!

your keen leadership and financial acuity have resolved the...
oh, wait. right. well, thanks for saving me that $35 in car registration. that's totally worth the more than $4 billion dollars debt we accrued because of it.
guess whose person is unemployed in 6 weeks? mandatory vacation... and... unemployment benefits. guess the state is paying one way or another. wouldn't it be cool if they were paying us to actually work?

Sunday Morning

woke up. licked ass. kissed mp. drank water. dripped drool/water combo on mp's face. went outside. peed. used tongue as hygiene appliance. kissed mp again. thought about brushing teeth. ate kibble instead. left crumbs and drool on mp's sheets. thanked mp for the kibble with a healthy burp in the face. ducked. ran. got texted compliment from the pea's cousin. realized i'm far too good looking for my owner. guilted mp into rubbing my belly. took nap. it's a rigorous schedule, but i'm up to the challenge.

The Pimptress and the Pea

pimptress likes our chickapea. we kinda figured she would... everyone does.

that just makes us feel even more guilty.

The Bedroom

is starting to look like a bedroom.

we've gone from this...





to light coffee walls, refinished wood floors, new crown and base molding, and (ahem) our very first bed.
that's right. mp and i now have our own bed.




it's still in progress, but... it's getting awesome. our bedding is on order and should be ready for breaking in soon.



in the meantime, the pea better get used to this view.

Uh... Right, Then

this is so funny, it should be illegal.

Girl Meets Hammer

$400-700 to remove kitchen cabinets?

how about a lesbian, a hammer, and a $15 pry bar.

Phallacies #4

spicier than i like it

Hey, Sweet Cheeks

we're coming for you.

Honkin' the Shortbus #1

occasionally, people do manage to surprise me.

The Boys Are Coming Home...

tied at 1-1.


let's go ducks!



"barbaric"? have the versus commentators watched much hockey?

elbow down. stick down. feet on the ice. that's a clean hit. the most that can be argued is that brown hit hudler a bit late, but even that is marginal. hudler cut his own face on his shield, and it was nowhere near the point of contact with brown.

now, the hit kronwall put on ryan carter... that's a dirty hit. but, i think the boys are used to sitting in the box after dives and playing hard without focusing on the non-calls. sometimes reputation matters more than what happens on the ice.

Game 5 in 21 hours

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Into a Nap...

a little puppy must fall.

it's hot, but i'm here to support mp's painting career. what? that's not a career? then why the hell are we doing it for every woman that asks? have you seen my ear? seriously, butter yellow semi-gloss isn't a good look for me.

Let's Go Ducks!

face off is at 7pm.

we're hunting shark!

The First Time

this week, the pea will be babysitting me.

mp has never let anyone she dates take care of me.

i think this must be my new stepmom.

Half Blind

as mp's eye heals, she's been getting a lot of pirate jokes.

yes, she wears aaaargh-yle.

yes, she drives a caaaargh.

yes, she knows all the booty jokes.

what hurts the most is having people try to excuse her love of sandra oh with blindness. dude. that woman is hot. now, make like a squirrel and get off our nuts!

Getting Better All the Time

the colors don't really come through in this photo, but the overall effect is awesome. after mp was done with the accent wall, she called the pea and made her come over after work. then they just kinda sat on the couch, making out, to see if it was "a relaxing environment." i'm going to need a lot of therapy... so i'd say they were pretty relaxed.

the living room is gorgeous. our bedroom will be done by the end of the weekend. after that, it's time to gut the kitchen.

the awesome part: next weekend is grand prix weekend, and we'll be ready to roll.